Heyy :3 ich bin Hobbyautorin und starte mit einer Freundin, die ich auf Wattpad kennengelernt habe eine Kooperation.
Ich schreibe gerade am ersten Kapitel und würde gerne professionelle Meinung zu den ersten Absätzen hören.
Hier folgen zwei Screenshots:
(3 votes)
Loading...Hey, ich habe angefangen eine Fanfic zu schreiben (noch nicht auf Wattpad) bin aber bis jetzt überhaupt nicht zufrieden 🙁 mit der Vorgeschichte bin ich komplett durch, die ist aber auch das Problem… ich weiß nicht was ich tun könnte. hat wer gute Tipps was ich machen könnte damit es besser wird?
Hallo. Ich arbeite zurzeit an einem Schulprojekt, also eher einem Rollenspiel. Es geht halt um verschiedene Kulturen und so und dafür brauche ich eben auch verschiedene Charaktere. Kennt ihr einige kurdische Nachnamen? Welche die vielleicht nicht so häufig oder bekannt sind?
Heyy, Ich schreibe gerade eine Liebesgeschichte. Folgendes passiert: Die Hauptperson (Nancy, 15) hat ihre Mutter verloren. Ein halbes Jahr danach zieht sie mit ihrem Dad (Albert) und ihrem Bruder (Malio, 18) zu ihrer Tante und ihrem Onkel. Die leben auf dem Land auf einem Bauernhof (da gibt es aber nur Tiere). Auf der neuen Schule…
Hallo 🙂 Ich lese gerade eine Story auf Wattpad und helfe dem Schreiber unter anderem seine Fehler zu korrigieren. Bei einer Sache bin ich mir nicht ganz sicher, ob sie falsch ist oder nicht: “Schön dich kennenzulernen”. Freundlich streckte sie mir die Hand entgegen. Der Punkt nach dem Satz “Schön dich kennenzulernen”, ist der überflüssig?…
Hi kann ich mit 10 ein Buch das ab 16 Jahren ist schreiben habe schon angefangen und es sterben halt Leute und noch mehr schlimmeres also könnte ich es auch rausbringen? .
Also ich habe mir vor Jahren ein Tagebuch geholt aber 1 oder 2 mal verwendet und habe auch den Zahlen Code geändert von 000 ich hab dort ein dreistelligen Code aber ich habe ihn vergessen und komme nicht mehr ins Tagebuch. Hat jemand Tipps wie ich es herausfinden kann ohne zu zerschneiden oder stunden lang…
I think your story has potential, but it also hits a few places:
Formatting: Line breaks are usually made within a scene to split them a little while paragraphs are made to display the beginning of a new scene. You change between paragraphs and line breaks within one scene.
Word recovery: For example, you keep repeating the man. Replace it with synonyms like “he” or “the drunk”
Very reporting: You’re writing more like you want to explain what happened that day. Maybe try to let some thoughts and emotions flow into your main character.
Little taken into the scene: You stay blind in the scene. We know your main character is in some place with theke, but of course it can look very different. It can be a small, already a bit down corner pub, a luxurious sceneable or something in between. Just because the drunk plays on the fact that he would not count beer on the ground in such a place would be something interesting to arrange the comment.
Comical formulations: You write a lot about the action, which I find very good at first. In some cases, you lose yourself a little, which is why it seems somewhat unnatural. An example of this is that the creeping of the glass in her ears echoes or the eyes of the man fell upon them.
I think I can work with it. However, I do the paragraphs because you can write comments on Wattpad only on paragraphs. Personally, it often bothers me if I don’t have a paragraph.
I’ll try to use your tips. Thank you.
How about you make paragraphs and separate scenes by two paragraphs? I think that would also be a little need for reconciliation, but much better readable than this change for pleasure and mood. As formatted above, the paragraphs only confuse.
In my history, people somehow manage to mark individual sentences in their comments despite line breaks and paragraphs.
Okay.
In fact, I do not find that bad, the only thing I have not liked now is that the ancillaries usually convey more or less important information (e.g. “His pronunciation was hardly to be understood by the alcohol”). I also noticed two spelling context errors (soaked, institute instead of standing)
I’ve already noticed this with the riot, but what do you mean, soaked?
Ah all good found
No, I wouldn’t read. The basic problem that arises here is that it reads like a minijobber’s shift report. I now proceed to the project to write narrative literature. However, the text is far too rigid, too little is actually told about what is happening, but (here I am again at the shift report) point by point “hakt”. I find this very boring [and unfortunately I have no time for the shift report 🙂 ].
lg up
Thank you, I’ll try to express the feelings more and to incorporate the thoughts that I somehow didn’t get in line.
Yeah, it wants to be practiced. I wish you success. 🙂 lg up
Very cool beginning though somewhat critical as I just don’t know for which age group but if it’s so 13–16 then I wouldn’t start with beer but for example with a porolog of the past or so I am myself no professional but I read much and my mother is book retailer.
Report questions whether personal
HandballCat
Well written, still not the reading material that would interest me!
I’m not a professional, but I like to read:)
Yeah, I’d read on. Please replace the word “anstalt” with “residue”(?).
and check the remaining spelling…
^ But I assume that this will be done. If I wrote a book, then I would write the content first and then correct the RS (let). But yes, a good hint.
Ups no idea what I wrote
It’s just a draft, I’m not finished yet:3
Hi,
I personally am more of the fantasy reader, but your story is definitely not based on matsche, as many others say.
For me, it would be more interesting if you gave the reader more context. You really have Bock to write the story and want to start the action immediately and BÄM 💥. But it would be best if you first tell a few interesting qualities of your character and slowly introduce us into the story (environment, feelings, formulated thoughts, etc. 🤔💭).
I know that writing is impatient, perfection and unfair to yourself, so relax. Write scenes you have in your head, up immediately and not in chronological order. See also these designs as coarsely cut chunks that you gradually collapse with your other coarsely cut chunks. And if you have this way from lumps to crystal, you will also be able to see a certain kind of perfection in your history.
And this is also the most important thing that you see this beauty and not some Rando from the internet as I 😉🙃.
Love
Kauzi
PS: Or you can try painting or densing or knitting or macram. There are many ways to bring your ideas to the world. Don’t forget that:)
Awww thanks 💜, that’s sweet of you. I was really upset and your answer is super sympathetic. :3 I have already revised the text and I am almost satisfied. (I just want to edit the thoughts…)
Absolutely thank you and greetings back!
Luchiii
Bad.
Better:
Why is the first bad? You throw the order of things in action. It bothers immersion and makes the river bump.
It’s not really good after that:
Better:
Again, order, let information flow directly into the appearance of the object (corner). If you wish to make an outrageous description of a locality, this is best done when entering the same to give the reader a picture directly. This also creates more flair and does not interrupt the action. If it is necessary to describe in the midst of an action, this should relate to relevant objects, such as a bred knife (not visible before) or newly drowned persons. River and order.
Anyway, you’re 14, the best age to learn.
Thank you:3
It reads like ChatGPT wrote that. The beer glass shredded on the ground with a quiet lure. That’s how you would write normally. ChatGPT would deny the shrill echo in the ears. That’s a loud filler you should remove. Criminal the text, it makes it more legible and exciting.
In all my years I have not read a novel that would have described the cracking of glass as quiet if it should not be particularly subtle.
Then you should trust my 20 years of experience in the pub.
I don’t want to contradict him.
It’s still wrong.
Because authors aim for effect, not necessarily for realism.
But why should they describe it wrong?
Not reality was questioned, but how people write…