Would you accept it if your partner hadn't worked for years?
I've been with my partner for six years now. When we first met, he told me he was currently on sick leave. Later, it turned out that he couldn't work anymore due to depression and was no longer employed by his company. At first, I was very understanding and didn't really push him to find a job.
He moved in with me pretty quickly and since then he hasn't bothered with therapy or a job. After about a year we started arguing about it because the money just isn't enough. I have a son from my first marriage and a house that I have to pay off and only a part-time job so I can be there for my son. My partner always told me that his mental health wouldn't allow him to work and that he wanted to go to therapy first. And that he was giving me all his Hartz 4 benefits. But I don't think 560 euros will solve the problem. And in the six years he's hardly made any effort to get a place in therapy or even try to work. He spends most of his time on the PlayStation.
I'm feeling pretty desperate right now. How would you react in this situation?
I know that depression can be bad, but it has to move on at some point, or am I wrong?
(2 votes)
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I think the truth is somewhere between I can’t work, and I don’t want to work. I also have a hand-resistant Drepresion behind me…
I see two possibilities.
You enter his ass so that he comes up from the sofa, which is not selfish but actually lovingly meant, or you leave him alone. This is also understandable. After all, you don’t have to let yourself go.
my best friend saved me back then. she has come to me regularly and has dragged me, for example, into the swimming pool or for jogging until I was able to get back from my own drive.
No, I wouldn’t.
That he doesn’t work isn’t necessarily a problem; that he doesn’t seek a therapy place, and only plays PlayStation would be a no-go for me. I’d question the relationship.
And there are groups for members of mentally ill people, maybe that would be for you.
In good, as in bad times…
However, there is also a kind of co-disorder. I know what I’m writing about. Protect yourself from it and think about you more often! Even today I live happy and really happy alone with dog and cat.
I think a sick person needs a lot of support, but I also need to want to. He doesn’t seem to want to. You have to decide how good this love is realistically portable, or whether you can end or change the relationship by excavating it.
He should really strive for a therapy place and also take his own initiative, through healthy diet, sports and sufficient sleep. This can help him fight his depression more easily.
To work: I can understand him if he no longer has great motivation to work. He could start after the treatment with mini-jobs/parttime and maybe rise over time to a full-time job if he wants it. Alternatively, he can gain passive income during the recovery period and thus earn money without destroying his life rhythm. Furthermore, instead of the playstation, he should not only work on himself, but also experience beautiful things with your child. For the spiritual development of sons, a father is very important and your father had to lose; make sure the second is not lost.
I suspect that he is not as bad at the moment with depression and he does not see any reason to want to change something about his chilly way of life. He’s just lazy. Consider whether you want to continue to do this or not
in any case has been well established; The reason for depression is the work?!
Because of depression being incapable of work, I understand. But not having an interest in getting healthy and changing things in his situation, I would have no understanding. Unfortunately, some people have to fall really deep before they are able to find help. I did.
I’d put him an ultimatum. He has a year to find a therapy and clearly change what. Do not work directly again, but at least go to a clinic and then make out outpatient therapy. For that, he would get any support he needs from me. If he refuses to address his problems, he must go.
If he plays every day, his depression can’t be so bad. So I wouldn’t let it please…6 years is way too long.
Playing gives him success and recognition, it also comes to the distribution of bliss hormones.
He’s going through with you. It’s up to you whether you let this happen or change something about this situation. He won’t change anything. He’s got a real nest.
If the depressions are so bad, you should try to get a therapy.
Your friend, however, does not seem to like a therapy or work.
Why? You go to work…
There are self-help groups and for members of depressive sick. There are counseling points for both of you and for him. Depression can be really very bad but you should try to change something