Would you read this Wattpad story?

I'm currently writing my first story and would like to know if it would appeal to you.

"Sometimes I think about killing someone. Then I remember that I'm a normal civilian now."

Tammes leaned closer to me, his voice haunting, his words inescapable. Words I didn't want to hear. Words I'd long known.

"Rayne, we'll never be normal. No matter how many times we move or change our names, we'll still be scum to society."

And I knew he was right.

We would never be normal.

•••

Rayne and Tammes have been free for two years now—away from the clutches of the criminal Noxun clan. But the scars of their past run deep. Integrating into society proves more difficult than expected.

When Rayne is suddenly drawn into the machinations of an unknown clan, she has no choice: she must fulfill a mysterious mission. Her task? To track down a man named Kotaharu Ignites, who has disappeared without a trace—infamous for his extraordinary abilities and powerful firepower.

On her search, she encounters a charismatic and tenacious detective who is pursuing exactly the same goal. But under no circumstances can he find out who she really is. Because he, too, seems to be something else.

Between criminal clans, warring powers, and a looming war, Rayne finds herself on increasingly thin ice. Will she complete her mission—or end up behind bars first?

And what if Ignites' disappearance is just the tip of a much larger, deadly game? A game that could plunge not only the underworld, but also the overworld into chaos…

(2 votes)
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Fuchssprung
2 months ago

If I can’t see a name clearly whether it’s a man or a woman, I’m out. This is the case with Tammes. What is that? If I’m stuck on it and I have to think about it, I don’t want to read more. Why don’t you take any real names that you can start with?

Leo8nie
2 months ago
Reply to  Nero701

I find the name good. It turns out to be a girl

Fuchssprung
2 months ago
Reply to  Nero701

If you know someone that means you’re clearly in the advantage of your readers. Because they have no idea what this word should mean.

xJustMex
2 months ago

So I’m already talking about it in general, but I find the flap text a little too long.

For example, I would completely remove these two parts:

In her search, she encounters an equally charismatic and stubborn detective who pursues the same goal. But under no circumstances can he know who she really is. For even he does not seem to be the one he pretends to be.

And what if Ignites’ disappearance is just the tip of a far bigger, fatal game? A game that could not only crash the underworld, but also the overworld into chaos …

The reader does not have to know that at this point. The remaining part is completely enough to gain a good impression of what it is about.

Especially the small text excerpt above I like very well, as it is beautifully written and lets expect a pleasant writing style.

I like the cover very well, only the lettering could work a bit. The “Forsaken Blade” does not want to fit into the overall picture.

All in my opinion, however, quite appealing.

Love

Kingfrosch
2 months ago

Too depressive and negative. Total sacrificial role that dreams of perpetrator change. Weak mood, something you get everywhere in the day

Loryazee
2 months ago

I wouldn’t, it’s not my genre.

Bero2
2 months ago

No.

You think star was fake😂

mimii444
2 months ago

most wattpad layers don’t talk to me, but this sounds really good

chanfan
2 months ago

No, it’s a child thing of one who thinks that the world must read its story.