Why do I cry during sex with my boyfriend?
hey,
Yesterday, I got scared out of nowhere, and while I was sitting on my boyfriend, he looked me in the face and I started to cry.
He asked me what was wrong, if it was because of my father, then I completely broke down.
This is the very first time I've gone further with sex in front of my boyfriend—that's embarrassing. I'm desperate, especially because I ruined the whole atmosphere. My boyfriend was so understanding, but I still feel so guilty.
As a child, I was raped and abused several times by my father. It was years ago, and now it's weighing on me again. I'm so desperate because when I think about sex now, I no longer think about the fun, but rather about fear. It doesn't make any sense to me because I used to enjoy sex with my boyfriend, and now something like this happens.
Can someone please send me kind words? I'm desperate and need an explanation. 🙏
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Your reaction against the background of your childhood experiences is completely normal and your friend seems to have appreciated the situation very well. Not you’re wrong, but what was done to you at that time was not okay and left traces.
What you describe, but sounds very stressful and should be treated within a (trauma) therapy. Unfortunately, many people wait very long to find support and this often worsens the situation. Finding a therapy is also not a sign of weakness.
If this is not an option at the moment, then you should slowly get to the issue of sexuality and you should try to stay with your attention as much as possible in the present by focusing on your friend and other things in the room and remembering what is different now compared to then. You don’t need to have a bad conscience. Good luck!
Hello, Lotta!
Like you, there are many victims of sexual violence. They become unstable with similar triggers (i.e. key incentives to the situation at that time) because that triggers the thoughts at that time. This is a normal mechanism of the brain, just as many people think of the smell of oranges or cinnamon of Christmas, or in the smell of sugar cane of a folk festival. It’s only negative with you. The thing is that negative things are more rapid and long-term than positive things. This has the reason among others, because it used to secure our survival in human history. For example, if someone has eaten poisonous berries and then broke, he will not eat these berries in the future.
The good thing is that you might be able to help you with trauma therapy. To do this, one does not have to be unstable that one goes to a therapist, on the contrary, the more stable one is overall, the sooner successes are set. So you can learn to enjoy sex again in the long term and you would also learn to understand many things about yourself.