Wie viel Geld bei Kurzarbeit?
Hi ihr!
folgende Situation: ich bin seit knapp über drei Jahren mit meinem Freund zusammen. Seit zwei Jahren leben wir zusammen und vor einigen Wochen haben wir beschlossen, zu heiraten. Wir sind super glücklich und führen ein sehr erfülltes Leben mit großer Vorfreude, auf was noch kommt.
Seine Eltern sind gläubige Muslime. Er glaubt auch aber auf seine Art. Das heißt er trinkt Alkohol und hält sich auch sonst nur bedingt an die Regeln des Islams. Seine Eltern hingegen leben den Islam strenger aus. Sie verzichten auf Alkohol, ernähren sich helal und beten mehrmals täglich. Mein Freund und ich sind bereits islamisch getraut, seinen Eltern war das wichtig und für uns vollkommen okay. Ich liebe seine Familie sehr. Sie sind immer für uns da und haben mich sofort als vollwertiges Familienmitglied integriert. Sie freuen sich riesig, dass wir heiraten werden.
Jetzt zum Problem:
Wir beide trinken keinen bzw. kaum Alkohol, unsere Freund:innen auch nicht und die Familie meines Freunds sowieso nicht. Deshalb haben wir uns gegen Alkohol auf der Feier entschieden. Deshalb und weil mein Vater und mein Onkel sehr exzessiv (täglich) trinken. Mein Vater ist generell ein sehr problematischer Typ mit sehr kontroversen Ansichten. Wenn er trinkt, rastet er regelmäßig aus und versaut damit oft Geburtstage oder andere feierliche Anlässe. Er hat was gegen den Glauben meiner baldigen Schwiegereltern und vertritt generell viele rassistische Meinungen. Wir streiten deshalb häufig. Als er von mir erfahren hat, dass es keinen Alkohol auf der Hochzeit geben wird, meinte er, er wird nicht kommen. Er war auch nicht bei unserer islamischen Trauung.
Er schafft es seit ich auf der Welt bin, immer wieder dafür zu sorgen, dass es mir und dem Rest der Familie schlecht geht. Früher hat er meine Mutter geschlagen. Er sagt viele sehr verletzende Dinge oder redet grundlos tagelang gar nichts. Trotzdem behauptet er immer wieder, er wolle nur, dass es mir gut ginge. Auch in seiner Whatsapp Nachricht zur Hochzeit betont er das. Ich bin dermaßen sehr überfordert mit der Situation. Vor zwei Jahren war ich lange in einer Klinik, um einiges des ganzen Schlamassels aufzuarbeiten und seither schaffe ich es ein so tolles Leben zu führen aber es scheint als wolle er es krampfhaft kaputt machen.
Was würdet ihr tun?
Alkohol ausschenken, damit er kommt und sich nicht vernachlässigt fühlt? Endlich den Kontakt abbrechen? Ihm endlich mal sagen, was er eigentlich anrichtet?
Ich bin so traurig, weil auch mein großer Bruder mein neues Leben nicht richtig akzeptieren will und kritisiert, dass ich mich „nach meinen Schwiegereltern richte“.
If you and your partner decide on alcohol for free, this is your decision.
This will then be accepted.
If you have only decided against alcohol because of your mother-in-laws, you should discuss the subject again.
It’s your wedding and you decide what’s going on or not.
Neither your father nor your husband’s family are right to speak.
You should learn to distance yourself from your father. It doesn’t need a conversation where you want to tell him anything.
But you have to change your inner attitude and distance yourself.
It is your wedding, and so your decision on which dishes and drinks are offered to guests.
A compromise would be to offer guests a glass of champagne before eating to give shy people the opportunity to come to talk more easily with others.
You’ve already had bad experiences with your father’s drinking habits. Even if it’s bad, but better he stays away from the wedding party instead of ruining it.
You invited him, but it is his decision if he waives because he is not allowed to drink.
Happy for you,
Giwalato
In my own wedding planning, I think it is very important not to let others talk. Neither one of them nor the other parents or siblings. If you want to celebrate alcohol-free, this is your decision. You can invite your father and if he doesn’t come, that’s only his decision.
Your final question block is very binary to me. It seems that you have to decide between “request” and “return contact”. No, you don’t have to stop contact if you don’t follow your father. If he stays away from your wedding, it’s a provocation, but you don’t have to respond to it. Then you’ll meet another time. You don’t make a mistake with your decision, but don’t let yourself be provoked to mistakes by your father’s announced defiance (or by your brother’s accusations). And to actively decide on a contact termination, I would like to introduce a potential error, because it could be regretted later – at least from my point of view there is a risk, even if you don’t get along well.
I wouldn’t make the choice of drinks any further on the subject of the families. The setting of the menu is your thing. People just have to decide if they’re coming or not. And if you do not have a pathological alcohol problem, it is completely independent of the beverage card.
It is your feast, your wedding, your start to the common future.
Don’t let it spoil you, so
Don’t drink alcohol.
This is your day. A father should be happy to be with the daughter’s wedding. It doesn’t matter how to celebrate. How selfish you can be.
Wouldn’t take any consideration of him.
Hello!
You’ve already got a lot of good answers here that you should have. In the long term – in order not to let your big brother pull you down, for example, I recommend you, sometimes on the side http://www.Al-Anon to browse.
Take the opportunity to reduce contact with your father. Or break it. A tip. Just talk reactively to him. That’s only when he gets back to you. This could be at least a start if you don’t make it all)
If you want some hard break, you can also read the Levites.
Whether you take alcohol or not is your decision. And honestly. If that’s more important to him than to be at your wedding. Then you don’t make a loss.
You shouldn’t give in, and you shouldn’t give alcohol. Like you said, he messes up when he drinks. What do you think will happen at your wedding? He’s gonna get drunk, and all of them have to fuck up the party and finally get away.
Therefore: accept his answer and don’t worry about it. It’s better for everyone if he’s not part of your family anymore.
As hard as you know, I’d want to nuke his presence and be glad to stay away. He’d just be stressful. If no one else would miss alcohol, then it’s good without alcohol.
I’d advise you to delete this man from your life.
Children love their parents because they are dependent on them – badly said. In the first years of life as a human being, you are completely delivered to your parents, your own survival depends on it.
But if children become more dependent, more independent and less dependent, parents must also increasingly prove that they deserve the love of their children. So what did your father prove there? He is violent, drinks too much alcohol, is disrespectful to other people, actively doing things that make the lives of other people less beautiful – and obviously hasn’t realized any need for a long time since something to change.
So what did he earn your love? What did he deserve to take into account his wishes at your wedding? When did he last consider your wishes? Has he ever? What is it for you to maintain the relationship with your father when you look at these diffuse societal expectations that you should love and honor your parents, or check these expectations for meaning and validity?
I therefore find it absolutely justified, if you don’t bend in and give it clear to him that you like to despise him at your wedding when drinking is more important to him than the presence in the marriage of his own daughter. Just tell him what he’s doing here. So that he might become aware of how absurd and completely beyond his attitude and attitude to it. And finally you too, right?
They’re just extremely toxic. Forget it.
Now, your father has decided that baptism is more important to him than his daughter.
there is no further comment.
Oh, God really should control my fingers, what I’m on and write about this guy.
If you had a father like that, you can’t be reasonable.
The mourning and then into the honeymoon. What the others do then, ust snoop
If he doesn’t want to come, let him do it.
Make sure he doesn’t deserve to come when he puts alcohol over you. It’s your wedding, you can do what you want.
“He has managed to make me feel bad and the rest of the family since I was in the world. He used to beat my mother. He says many very hurting things or talks nothing for days without reason”
Fuck the tyrant
You want me to tell you something?
You can hate me if I write this, but that’s what I’m saying:
Fuck your father! If this drunken creature is not able to behave like a man and thinks to terrorize his environment, he has nothing to report!
My father was an alcoholic. It’s gonna get a deep anger out of me. Are you gonna let him ruin everything from you?
I’d be glad if he didn’t come.
If he is an alcoholic, he will find ways and means to “supply” himself.