Wie überlebe ich das Schwiegermonster?
Ich habe seit einigen Monaten einen Freund, dessen Familie mich absolut nicht leiden kann was auf Gegenseitigkeit beruht.
Sie sind sehr modern mit wenig Regeln, bunten Haaren, alle 50-100 kg Übergewicht, vielen Bildschirmen im Haus die alle möglichst viel Lärm machen und Tätowierungen. Meine Familie ist da das genaue Gegenteil und hat komplett andere Werte.
Seine Mutter hat anscheinend zu viel Zeit und möchte jetzt möglichst viel Zeit mit uns BEIDEN verbringen und sie wirkt echt aggressiv und angsteinflössend auf mich. Mein Freund will dass ich mit den Leuten zurecht komme und mich da irgendwie mit an den Tisch setze. Er ist zum Glück nicht so wie seine Familie.
Ich denke die will mich nur dauernd sehen um mich fertig zu machen und pflaumte mich in der Vergangenheit die ganze Zeit an (ich esse ihr zu wenig, ich sei langweilig weil ich nur Wasser trinke, spießig weil ich keine laute Musik höre um Rücksicht auf die Nachbarn zu nehmen, ich arbeite ihr das falsche und gut genug für ihren Sohn sei ich auch nicht…)
Gibt es da eine Möglichkeit mit zurecht zu kommen oder kann ich mich besser komplett rausziehen um es nicht eskalieren zu lassen?
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Hey,
I can understand that your friend wants you to understand with his family, but if chemistry is not right and that seems to be the case from the family, you can try as you want, it is not and the best is to keep out of it.
Your friend will not be able to blame you for lack of efforts and if you communicate this to him openly, you will, together with him, be able to find ways to proceed. If he does what, he will understand you, keep to you and accept your opinion.
It’s not a bad partnership test either. How does he stand for your family or Your family to him?
Conclusion: From my own experience I can say as much as you do, if it doesn’t fit, it doesn’t fit, because you can only walk away, LG. 🙂
My family is more reserved and not really interested in him. The contact is limited to Hello and Bye. But they are not generally as family and prefer to do their own thing. Was the same with ex-friends, they keep out of everything and trust me to make the right decisions.
You will surely also and do not forget, it is EUER life, all good for you, LG:-)
It is no rarity that mothers think that the new girl is not good enough for her son.
Often the stranger is also what people reject. But if your friend matches your attitude to people and to life, it also has something to do with his family of origin that impressed him. Get to know his mother better. It wouldn’t matter to me if you felt boring. I was also not born to play the supporter of other people or to match their ideas.
Try to find out where the similarities are in the values and formulate your settings well so that this mother can understand you better.
Well, my friend is so to speak the black sheep in the family and has therefore developed into the exact opposite. That’s why I like him. He is reliable, friendly, loving, reluctant, diligent… and must not listen to much nice, but nevertheless strives because it is his family. I haven’t found similarities or anything positive or sympathetic in the last few months and I don’t think that’s happening.
so… understand. It would be for him to explain to his mother that she shouldn’t push you.
If I read your lines here as you describe his family and what your parents have given you for values, then you give the impression that your parents are extremely superficial. That they taught you to place extremely much value on what others might think of you (yes, conjunctive, very consciously chosen at this point!). That it’s extremely important how you look. The fact that it comes to the picture, what is imparted to the outside, not to what is really inside. And that they consider themselves superior, better, more valuable than other people because of this holding up of outer appearance.
This is now a similarly quick and assessing judgement like what you like about your partner’s family. And probably similarly exaggerated, unfair and full of prejudice. Not nice, right? So why do you think you trade and write that?
What I read out in your lines above all is that you found a partner that you’ll find great. This person is very strongly influenced by his family. And if he is so great – can his family who has shaped him and to whom he apparently still has a good relationship be really so bad and wrong?
In addition, his mother seems to like to have you there. Means she realized that you play an important role in her son’s life. And because her son is important to her, she takes you up.
And the negative statements from her – can you imagine that they might have been a reaction to your action in the form of your family’s distracting behavior? That you not only drank water, but also gave your justification for this, in which a accusation and a submission in the direction of your family were compelled? Just like the few food. Or with your rejection of loud music.
Shake this off, get rid of it, give his family open and worth free! Get to know them as people, look over superficial first impressions, find out what’s behind the surface! Just search for what your partner has to become the great person you have fallen in love with, be grateful to them that he could become all that in this family. I am very sure that you will grow and that you will develop a much better relationship with his family and people in general when you get that!
I met them openly. The woman asked me what I wanted to drink, that was a normal question for me that I answered normally, just as if she asked me if I had music boxes at home. When I bowed, she asked why, I pointed to the neighbors, and she said, “the neighbors were completely irrelevant to me at your age.” I don’t think that’s rude about me now. Just as little as just si much to eat as it fits in me.
Mmh, I think you don’t want to understand it and also don’t want to know how you better manage the situation. Rather, you seem to be looking for support and confirmation for your view of things.
Read what I wrote above, think about it and work on you and your attitude towards other people and their life plans and realities. I want you to do that. Requires in the first step that you don’t tell me how exactly you acted when and how and why and justify yourself in doing so, but that you go into the hard, painful self-criticism and reflection.
What else can I do? Coloring my hair blue and start smoking so mother-in-law is happy?
Maybe you should stop thinking for something better and really try to get to know the people, after all, that’s where your friend originates, which you love very much, because they can’t be so terrible.
I already met them. That didn’t make it better.