I know he's not perfect.
I would still be happy to receive suggestions for improvement!
Please be kind, because I'm only 11, and like I said, I know the prologue isn't perfect!
(9 votes)
Loading...Hello, I'm looking for short, nice-sounding German surnames for a fanfaction. Something along the lines of "luck" and "wald." The characters shouldn't all just be called "Maier" and the like. Thank you very much.
I'm writing a book about a siren (mermaid, just "evil"). They're known for seducing men on the high seas with their song and then eating them. On land, however, they're human. What would you imagine a human siren to be like? What hair texture, eye color, or hair color? Skin color? Facial features? Looking for…
I have an idea for a story, but I'm still deciding on the setting. I'm thinking of Zurich, but I'm also considering other locations. I've even considered using a completely fictional setting. What is your opinion on this?
Heeyyy Thanks for stopping by! I need your help. I'm writing a story that, among other things, is about horses. It's about the main character and the horse owner. The main character, a 14-year-old girl, is tasked with taking care of the horses of the horse owner (14), who can't do so due to health…
What do you think of the cover ? Please let us know your opinion! Thanks in advance! Taraneha
Sounds very nice! 😍
And it was soo!
He’s really well written for his age. But the prologue also cares that it fits well with the rest of the story. But everything is not bad
Hello!
Because you’re 11 years old, you’ve written it right!
Even some people from my class (14 years) don’t make it as good as you. Go on!
11? Pretty well written for it
I noticed a few minor errors, e.g.
Sounds good!
Have you formulated very beautifully. 👍
Thank you
It’s okay written, but not really meaningful, I think. If I write a prologue, then I’d like to build a bit of something, create a bit of excitement, make a bit of fun for more.
This is in the end an employment with the saying ‘Life is not a pony farm’. In addition, I find the idea in itself a little ‘unfinished’. You start asking if a pony farm is so easy.
Then come to ‘no, he’s not’, but also mention that many people do not find what to put in a pony farm (‘promise’ I don’t think there’s a choice of words) in their lives.
Maybe… but is life now a pony farm? Isn’t there anyone? This will never be answered. Instead, you go towards a ‘Carpe Diem’ motto and encourage people and readers to live every day as if it were the last, life is a gift, etc.
In my eyes, this has no longer something to do with the inception and is completely closed in my eyes. You come to the statement ‘Life is a one-time gift’ and that’s what the thing actually has. Really ‘stress’ on what comes after that, I personally do not feel up now to be honest.
Okay, thanks for your contribution.
Why is it ‘dry’?
I mean, you wanted a feedback, didn’t you?
And THAT is essentially the problem and also the problem why I don’t give you a concrete feedback with a really concrete suggestion of improvement.
I don’t know… I don’t even have a story yet. The prologue is just empty for me. He’s not telling me what’s coming. It is a nice essay that reminds me very much of school and also of content etc. is quite suitable for your age, but when I read it to the end, I sat there and asked myself ‘yes… but what now?’
It is in my eyes that the SINN of the prologue, IRGENDWIE, is something of the story that comes up… and to what extent this has happened in yours, simply does not reveal me because it is rather impersonal and does not relate specifically to something ‘individual’.
Theoretically, you could also tap the hippocratic oath, it would be a wonderful prologue if you ended up with it
In short, I simply lack IRGENDETWAS on these thoughts that bring history into its individuality.
I have, if I read this prologue simply the imprint that you wrote the prologue and ask you NOW, what do I do for a story behind it. But actually, the story, at least in its main features, is already that BEVOR has the prologue and the prologue serves as an HINLEITUNG on history.
In short, what I simply lack is something concrete content. I can’t give it to you because I don’t know the story. And this is, unfortunately, as much as I wish, nothing I could do with a few tips about ‘more verbs and adjectives’ from the world.
As I said… you don’t write badly… the style is all right, that’s what I stressed MOREFACH… but I just wonder… why is this prologue there? What’s he gonna tell me?
I mean, it’s a great message, but what exactly does she want to tell me about the story that’s following now, and I want her to tell me what is that?
In so far… I’d maybe push the prologue aside and start with the story. When writing, this is always a grotto hike in the direction of ‘as little as possible, but as much as necessary’.
LG
So, then I try again and write again what I’ve written half a dozen times (feeling)…
Frankly, that makes MICH sad. And something angry, because I have already explained MEHRFACH to you, where exactly my problems with your text are. And I was really just talking about the big stuff and not talking about every single mini mistake, because that’s not bad, that’s what happens in my eyes…
Then it would have been a way to get out of here. And not so patty about ‘supposed tips’, but really ask ‘hey, what do you mean’ But good… now it’s late in the evening so we start…
The problem with your prologue is not the way it is written. It’s okay for an 11-year-old. I could leave myself out for ever now that here and there is a spelling error, as you destroy your own climatic ascent, that I have no idea why you’re using something like ‘promising’ or why you’re confronting gift and sin… these are smaller things, you can work on it, that will give yourself time when you find a feeling for writing.
Your style is good, your word choice is mostly okay… that’s the good, but at the same time the problem of this prologue… because if DAS had been the problems, then I could have given you a few tips or, in my opinion, an example formulation and that would have been the thing.
You seem to want them, otherwise you wouldn’t ask
where ‘criticism’ or ‘constructive critique’ does not mean that I have to write the prologue myself or offer any corrective possibilities… which would not be possible with the prologue, but later on.
Which word would I use… another. But I would also re-form the whole sentence.
A pony farm promises a lot of work and love but many are not ready to put that in their lives.
What do you want to say?
‘Resounds a lot of work and love’ means that you see something GUTES in work and love. That it’s the Ponyhof that gives you that.
If you want to express that the Ponyhof is the same, then I would write ‘need’ or ‘used’ or ‘necessary’… and I might not take love, but rather ‘time’ ‘care’ or ‘attention’.
But as I said, this is not the problem.
The problem or what I perceived as a problem is also given to me that what you write up there is not really what you imagined under a prologue.
And I’ve often written enough. A prologue usually leads to the story. And, of course, there may be other prologues, but as well as any author uses the prologue as a way to add to the story, make them exciting, somehow a little bit of antease.
That’s exactly what I explained to you in epic latitude, so a prologue ultimately serves either to give the reader an access to the figure, or to give a little insight into the part of the story or something related to the story.
Your prologue is very short, but it doesn’t have to be bad. I don’t know if you know it, but it’s devastating from the wind, the movie, it also has a kind of small intro, where there’s a text that you can see as a ‘prologue’ to the movie. It is also extremely short and short, but it leads a bit into the world of the ‘old South’ and already indicates the decline of it.
That’s what I’d expect from a prologue.
You’re writing a short essay that doesn’t seem really coherent in itself, because you start with the Ponyhof metaphor and then slide to the Carpe Diem story… what’s from the Ponyhof thing is never mentioned again. You’re closing up with life being a gift, but I’ve got problems with finding out what direction the story is directed. More… I’m not really sure what to do.
That was not a constructive criticism in my eyes. This criticism (no tips included) made me sad.
If you have a different opinion on your answer, you can mean it. She didn’t help me personally. I wanted to implement your alleged tips, but I didn’t know how.
What other way should I write?
How can I make the story more exciting?
Do you want me to use more verbs, adjectives, etc?
What exactly am I supposed to improve on my prologue now?
Which word do you find better than “pronounced”, what would you take?
What do you want me to leave in your eyes, what to add, what to stand?
You just don’t understand my view. I even found your answer well. Just what’s going on here is making me extremely sad.
I am already depressed anyway and had the hope of getting friendly answers here
Yes, it may be. You want me to tell you now, ‘Hurra, great prologue, just keep doing this ’cause you’re 11?
I didn’t admit openly.
I told you what I like and what I like less well. Regardless of your age. I’ve never expected you to have this knowledge or have to.
But I am not a fan of thinking (and writing) ‘there is no criticism, the person is still young’. Because only through criticism can we grow at all. If you ask for criticism, I will evaluate your history or your excerpt accordingly. And if that were really all perfect, I would have the size to put me on and write ‘Hey, great story GERADE because you’re only 11’.
Personally, I can’t take anything with you, that you wrote that there’s no tension in it. Then tell me how to build more tension.
I don’t see your answer as hostile. I’ve only given my perspective.
I think it’s GUT you were EHRLICH. I have just said that with the ANTWORT it has not been easy to do because no TIPPS were included
BUT you can improve when someone writes you ‘toll, keep it up.’
I wrote you in my answer what exactly the problem fields were. And I wrote that quite clearly.
If it doesn’t suit you, it’s okay. There is the demand button. But you had no interest in questioning what seems to me, nor did you have any interest in my feedback.
That’s okay, that’s what I’m used to, but I don’t have to criticize myself.
Nobody expects you to do something perfect. But elementary to improve is now feedback. And you don’t want to tell me you took more from a ‘That sounds very nice about’ than from my criticism.
Yeah, you don’t like it, but in the end, criticism only helps you make better. Either by knowing ‘him, I could do something else’ or by thinking about the critique and then setting it up for you, it’s all the same as it is. BEIDES has brought you something in the end, for you have dealt with the criticism and with your own history or in this case your own prologue.
Don’t get me wrong… I’m not talking about anything about ‘the best answer’ or something… I didn’t need that for God’s sake. ABER you should stop criticizing as something that is hard-hearted to you.
You (or him? I’m just taking her) doesn’t hit ‘my side’ she’s right to me. There is not ‘my side’ and ‘your side’. There’s me that I’ll give you suggestions for improvement… if you look at these suggestions as ‘feindlich’, that’s your thing… but then I wonder if you have a goal and whether this goal is to improve you with regard to your hobby, namely writing.
I always see it like this: if you want to praise, you will surely have friends and parents and, if necessary, also siblings who communicate ‘toll you do it’ to make you just courage… and against it speaks nothing, but I just don’t see my place in this area.
Um… I don’t want you to understand the wrong thing, but I did.
I said ‘A good start, then you go away’ I said ‘closed thing that doesn’t allow another look at the future’ I said ‘pure employment with a phrase and also it’s not consistent.’
The prologue is completely neutral, there’s nothing personal in it. You speak of ‘man’, you have no real action. This dispenses with two important points, on the one hand, that the reader IRGENDWIE has a person to whom he can bind and whose well-being he is interested or, on the other hand, that the reader has an action line in which the reader is interested.
When you start with
‘ The greatest secret of Elysia, so it is on the courses of the Academy, is not in the catacombs of Illyria. … A quiet sound, like a wind from an open window. A glitter in the eye angle. Silbriger steel right in the back. The light of a lonely candle flame extinguishes, leaves the room in perfect darkness.’
Then you have action.
When you write
Then you have no really exciting action (even if you have set up because the reader asks what happened) but you get into the emotional motives of a person… there’s someone you tend to have an opinion about because you met him or in the case of SIE. There is at least the CHANCE that you want to know how it goes on.
The prologue you wrote is in itself of the way he is written ok (even though there are still a few things in writing style) but he’s just… empty… It’s just this mental game with the comment that then leads to a somewhat inappropriate knowledge in my eyes, but the question is: How do you use it for the further course.
And DAVON isn’t hinted. I miss that personally.
And I find your possible prologue better than mine.
How old are you?
I’m 11!
I can only repeat myself: I found it good that you were so honest. But I can’t improve if you just write that it’s not your taste and that it doesn’t build tension. Then you can say in detail what places I should improve. But you keep repeating and saying the same arguments.
And again I can only say that I myself know that the prologue is not perfect, perhaps not good. But that’s why I asked the question. I can’t find anything helpful from your answers.
Not only you;)
Thank you for your feedback… yes, I think there’s something like us. As I said, I always try to get some tension over in the prologue. When it’s closed, it’s usually a sort of ‘short look’ on a basic prehistory, which then forms the basis for the story that I build on when you understand what I mean.
(for example, later history is about someone who tries to come behind the secret of an abandoned village and the prologue then starts in the Middle Ages, just before the village was completely abandoned, without completely explaining what really happened there, but only hints etc. ).
I also find the beginning with the Ponyhof and that it is not necessarily bad to deal with. The first sentence can be taken along, but then it somehow lost a little.
If she’d gotten off about ‘Man says life isn’t a pony farm, but is a pony farm really so easy? Stand up every day at half five, run out stables, take feedings, walk horses, sleep all night in the stables when one of them is sick?
Actually, a ponyyard is fucking work. I bet most people get married, get kids, and then die in their homes without ever stuck in their lives as much time as I get into my ponyyard.
But something about me loves him… the noise of the little brook, the cradles of the horses in their boxes, the dust that the hay and the dry food leaves on everything, so that you could clean every day without it ever working properly…
A pony farm is pretty much work, of course. And my life may not be a pony farm, but it doesn’t matter… because the pony farm is finally my life. And a single officially looking letter, sender ‘Average Court District Court XY’ is enough to shake this life in the foundations’
So that’s just spontaneously thrown together, but if you were really stuck in that sense… I think you could’ve got something out there, even if it wasn’t really stress-building.
You can stay friendly at least. And in addition, I’m only 11, there’s still some things not perfect.
I also found her rating good, but now you’re sleeping on her side, making someone sad.
You have to put yourself in My position. I write to something and I want ideas for improvement. I’m subconsciously writing a “dry” and I’m going to fight. You (Ninchenpony) then answer so that I get very sad.
Then give me at least answers that are helpful and of which I can improve! If you just write:” It’s not my taste, it doesn’t build up tension.” I can’t improve. It just makes me sad.
I don’t want to go too close. You should try to accept the criticism. Not everything is perfect. I’ve got more than 15 started stories on my laptop and I’m always breaking it off.
And just because we don’t like it doesn’t mean it’s not good! You don’t always have to like everyone, so don’t worry.
But don’t be sad if someone doesn’t tell you what you want to hear.
This comment isn’t meant bad, and I don’t want you to touch it like that. I’m just trying to tell you my point of view of things and just hope you understand them.
You just want to hear how great you do all that. By the way, the prologue is not my taste. He doesn’t build up any tension, and after the first sentence, I’m a little distorted. It reminded me a little of an interpretation from school.
But I know those who like this. Only I like to have something exciting.
Find your review very well!
I thought you were so honest. Just because I wrote “dry” you’re making a Tam Tam Tam now! Just let it stand like that…
Just stand out!
Well, that’s the typical attitude if someone wants to hear something and doesn’t hear it. I mean… maybe I’m wrong, and the prologue is just not MY taste… can be… but you get used to this if you’re evaluating something like that.
I also wrote an eternally long story about what name I would take for a Harry Potter Fanfiction and in the end the most helpful answer went to a one from the list (which does not fit into the family) and the answer was provided with countless emoticons and consisted essentially of it and a great praise like creative one is…
Helpful defines also each other 🙂
Well, don’t understand your problem. I didn’t say it was bad what he wrote, but I was just a little sad. But I wanted the honest opinion!
should she lie now? You asked for the opinion and she said it. It’s not always posisative. Don’t understand.
Make a little sad to hear so much negative for his work.
Yes, thank you.
I find this beautiful, especially the message. Keep going! Yes, I know you asked this question months ago, but I just had to answer!
I think the prologue is cool! At first, there are a lot of word repetitions inside but that should not be disturbing. A little short he’s also pushing me, but it was all important included:) Good luck!
I think it sounds really nice
😀
Thank you
With a prologue you open a story, I can’t really see it here. Even if it’s a nice thought. The prologue must make the reader curious about the following story, he is a story before history. But from the age, the language is beautifully written.
I think the prologue is great.
Wow respect!
Some mistakes that happen to everyone:
but many people stuck this – Plural work AND love