Here, my story:
https://storyban.de/app/?s=42030
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Are the sentence paragraphs correct?
(1 votes)
Loading...How did the wars of unification lead to the German Empire?
Can I send someone another friend request on Snapchat even if they ignored the first one?
No. 1 Name: Tina Age: approximately young student Gender Female Clan: Probably Thunderclan No. 2 Name:Thoner Age:Like Tina Clan: Probably Thunderclan Gender Male No.3 Name: Jubi Age:Oldest Clan:? Gender Male Only reply if you know WaCa
I've been writing a story for a while now and I still need a name for the main character's older sister. She's around 16-17, and the name could come from anywhere. Thanks!!
Do you also want the lockdown implemented by the CDU/SPD back? The R-value is likely to be extremely high? Shouldn't we lower it a bit so that hospitals aren't overwhelmed?
I find the language in the text a bit cinnamon. I’d do that differently, but it’s up to you.
The language of Anton in the sense of ‘Less Döner going to eat’ does not match the general narrative language and not the ‘presentative’.
In this sense… it’s much better than the first attempt to write the story but just from the language not yet perfectly matured or. there are still smaller stumbling stones that make the thing a bit bumpy for me as a reader.
A little tip yet: You don’t have to ask all 5 paragraphs here on the page and I wouldn’t advise you to upload half chapters, in which a bit of something but not much happens. Put the whole chapter up… if it takes a little more time, it’s just that, and that’s perfectly okay.
Okay, but I want to give the characters a way they speak. “Let a Döner go eat” sounds more authentic than “I want to eat a Döner”.
There is no objection to this and I do not criticize it.
But then you have to see that the story is going to happen. No one speaks completely different than he thinks or keeps this through for a long time.
This is a point that I also note with many people who write stories from the perspective of adolescents here: if you want to present from the perspective of adolescents his experience and feelings and that brings something like ‘Lass Kino going’, then his thinking and feeling will not be formulated in the best written language.
And just as here: Authentic it sounds only if you really build the character. But he doesn’t stay in a prison cell.
Of course, you don’t have to exaggerate it extremely, but don’t ask for such massive breaks. You don’t have to write, “Now let’s drive, because it makes me feel like a Döner Kebab,” but a simple ‘Let’s go to eat a Döner’ should already be in there.
Especially if he’s getting out of it like a prestige. We haven’t seen each other long.’
It doesn’t change anything that he completely changes the language style and the vocabulary within three sentences.
That with the youth was a pure example where I often come. Then you take adolescents to speak the written language.
In the end, the case here is exactly the same: The whole style has been open to me already somewhat unrealistically high, then Anton also speaks enormously in writing and then you bring such a massive cut.
Anton is an adult man.
The first chapter is very good
And the second?
All right, there’s nothing happening.
How Anton speaks also doesn’t fit the style of writing
What does the writing style have to do with the personal and individual character and the type of speech of the characters?