What do you think about that?

Jay opened the wooden door and left the house. Loud shouting and the ringing of bells drew his attention to the main square. A crowd of people was milling from stall to stall, buying food and drink, as well as books and scrolls.

Jay, a young boy, headed toward a particular stall. It belonged to Mex's father. The stall wasn't fully set up; the colorful cloth that hung over each stall was missing. Mex's father, using the cloth, climbed onto one of the crates and tried to nail it shut. Carefully, he grabbed a hammer and nail, swung the hammer upward, but missed the post and hit his shin. Mex's father dropped the hammer, gritted his teeth, and grabbed his shin.

"Ow! Man, oh man! This stupid hammer. The same thing every time!"

Jay rushed to Mex's father. "Can I help?" he asked, taking the cloth. Jay jumped onto the crates, took the purple cloth, and nailed it down.

“Thank you!” said Mex’s father.

Suddenly they heard their names. It was Mex, pushing his way through the crowd: "Jay, Jay!" Mex gasped. "You won't believe what's going on with the scrolls. Come with me, quick, maybe that guy is still there!" Mex turned and made his way through the bustling market, and the crowd backed away. Some bumped into each other. "Excuse me!" he shouted repeatedly. Reluctantly, the crowd parted and stared after Mex, slightly horrified. Jay immediately followed him.

Several onlookers stopped around the stand and fixed their gaze on the man dressed in black. A powerful woman pushed his slim body to the ground.

"Leave me alone! I'm innocent!" the man cried.

Three soldiers stepped out of the crowd. They wore white and gold armor and held a halberd in their right hand.

"Finally! He's a spy—a Black Scale spy!"

The crowd gasped. "The black shed!" they whispered.

"He tried to steal a scroll!" She stood up, held the man upright, and held him firmly by the arm.

"Let me go!" the man said, freeing himself. "I wanted to look at the scroll, and then that crazy woman threw me over!"

"Take this traitor with you!" said one of the soldiers. The other two grabbed the man and led him through the crowd. The other soldier picked up the scroll and followed the others.

(1 votes)
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KiraSommerwind
8 months ago

Use more adjectives and describe everything. Leave the reader more time to perceive everything

KiraSommerwind
8 months ago
Reply to  KiraSommerwind

Thanks for the star ⭐

tinalisatina
8 months ago

A little rough story, quite quickly told as if there was no time to build it and give the reader insight into what he reads. Something stubbornly told with quite wooden dialogues. There’s no voltage. And no desire to read more.

In addition, some typing errors.

Elefant907
8 months ago

As my teacher always says “fill fill” try to write as long as possible.