Why are children so exhausting and expensive?
I've been with my lover for a few days now, and I'm at my wit's end!
Her children (2), (4), and (7) are simply exhausting and cost a lot of money! And we hardly have any time for ourselves! The weekly shopping cost €280!! And they're always needing something… How does she cope? She only works part-time, and the children's father seems to be everywhere.
I don't want any of this anymore… But I've developed feelings for her… Will it get better with time? Today we want to go to the zoo… I'm already dreading the entrance…
And you don't have a free minute for yourself. In the evenings, the children usually go crazy again, and at six in the morning the youngest is already screaming.
Should I just leave?? But I feel so sorry for her… She cried a few times, too.
(3 votes)
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Understandable. You want them, not the whole package. But you can't have one without the other.
Do you have siblings? If so, divide their amount by 3 and add the number of siblings you have. Then you can get a rough idea of how much your parents paid for you and your siblings, and you can also get an idea of how much you'll have to pay for your child when the time comes.
Movies, zoos, other activities. Yes, it's expensive. Lucky for those who can keep their kids entertained on the weekend without spending a lot of money. But there are some.
This is because they aren't fully engaged during the day and may have even taken a nap. This is also the case if they've consumed sweets, juices, or sweetened tea. Sugar gives them a boost.
If you're honest, you'll realize that you only like free time and sex and that you don't care about the kids. I don't mean that in a bad way. That's totally fine. I feel the same way. But then I decide to go for it and look for a partner who can fulfill that. It would also be fairer to her, because she's looking for a partner who likes her and her children. You only feel stress for the kids and no affection. If affection was involved, then you wouldn't care how stressful the kids are. Staying with her just out of a sense of duty would be unfair for everyone involved. It will be hard for her, and for you too, but the bottom line is that everyone will have time to find a partner who is a better fit.
As a woman, I wouldn't want a guy to stay with me just because he wants to have fun, but finds my kids stressful. The guy would have to like me and the kids.
Dann sollte sie Unterhaltsvorschuss beantragen.
Dann zahlt das Jugendamt für seinen Unterhalt, und treibt es beim Kindsvater ein. Das federt zumindest etwas die finanzielle Belastung ab.
Aber ja zu 4. einen Zoo Besuch wird trotzdem finanziell schwierig.
Wenn du aber merkst das du so gar nicht mit Kindern klar kommst sehe ich darin wenig Sinn.
Besser du merkst es so als wenn du es erst merkst nachdem du eigene Kinder bekommen hast.
Children are exhausting and raising them is not cheap, but as a rule, children are worth every effort.
You, as a friend, have come into this, so you have to deal with some circumstances and processes from 0 to 100, which is a challenge.
You should examine for yourself, without any pressure, how important this woman is to you. Realize that it will take years before your routines become significantly calmer and more "friendlier" as a couple. Only when you're ready for that should you enter into a serious relationship with this woman and her children.
I "gave in" my stepson when he was five, and I NEVER tried to be his surrogate father. I know the biological father, and we've had occasional contact without any stress.
If you haven't already, your girlfriend should contact the youth welfare office and apply for child support advances. Money doesn't solve all problems, but it does cushion some of them.
I wouldn't want to miss the time with my stepson; he turns 25 this year!
Thank you! I'll tell her about the maintenance
Sounds stupid but chill ^^
Children can be exhausting, no question, but it also depends a little on you.
2, 4, and 7? It's no problem. Take your time, get to know them, and you'll quickly notice what they like and don't like, what they're interested in, etc.
You have to work with the kids, not against them, and they will become your best friends. You want to spend some time alone with your mom, and they can keep themselves busy if they want. It won't take hours, of course, but you can always find a few free minutes.
And you don't always have to go somewhere like the zoo or the like, a playground, a walk, etc. is enough. You've noticed that they have energy and can really let off steam on a playground.
Be a man and don't let the kids get you down. It won't be easy at first, but you'll find it's much simpler than you think.
So ist es halt wenn man eine Frau mit Kinder kennenlernt, denn das Leben besteht nicht nur aus Sex sondern auch aus den ganz normalen Alltag und wenn du weiterhin mit ihr zusammen sein willst, geht das nicht ohne ihre Kinder.
Nur was mich ein wenig stutzig macht ist das sie sich viel von dir bezahlen läßt und der Zoobesuch wird trotz Familienkarte auch nicht billig werden, dazu kommt noch bestimmt das Essen Pommes usw., denn ich finde es gibt genug Freizeitbeschäftigungen mit Kinder die sogar fast nichts kosten.
Du mußt selbst entscheiden ob du weiterhin bereit bist beides zu sein, nämlich Liebhaber und “Papa” , sonst ist es besser sich zu trennen, aber bitte nicht einfach davonschleichen, sondern klipp und klar sagen warum.
Over time, her grief will subside… because her priority is her children (or at least, that's how it should be). If you pull the leash, she'll soon get over it with the help of her children—because if you can't handle the whole package, you're not worth your time.
It sounds harsh, but it's true. As a single mother, she is entirely responsible for the physical and mental well-being of her children. She can't also be busy with someone who would rather have a "mistress" without children.
Of course, children cost money—and the older they are, the more they cost to support. That's absolutely normal.
If you're 2, 4, or 7 years old, you can still get a great deal on a zoo visit. There's a reduced admission price for children.
Devoting so much time, patience, and money to other people's children is certainly a challenge. As a mother, you enjoy doing it because it's part of the job. And the children always come first. For the simple reason that you love your children. And that's the greatest blessing: not sitting alone in your apartment, but having children around you who make you laugh so often. Being with children can also be wonderful. But you'll only experience that if you can commit to it and build a bond with the three of them.
If you can't imagine that at all, it probably doesn't make sense. Things will be better, in the sense of calmer, when they're grown up…
You already gave yourself the answer 3 days ago:
"I'm really turned off now!! Should I break off contact immediately? This is sure to be complicated, right?!! I want to enjoy being together completely (she knew that from the beginning). And I don't want to play substitute dad …"
I'm telling you right now: this is doomed! You won't be happy in a relationship like this!
Well… with a little knowledge, you could have figured that out beforehand. Raising children isn't easy, and it takes a lot of nerves and patience, and of course, quite a bit of money, too. And the fact that you then have less time for yourself is no secret, and many couples experience the same thing. Children, especially at that age, aren't yet fully independent and can take care of themselves. Especially not a 2- or 4-year-old.
Sometimes feelings alone aren't enough to be happy together. Her children are a part of her. And either you accept her and her children as you know them, or you separate.
No! It would be cowardly to just leave like that. At least talk to her beforehand and explain that the relationship can't work for you. You should be honest with the other person and not just sneak out of each other's lives without having cleared things up. Of course, it's entirely possible that she'll cry again, but that's just part of a breakup sometimes. You have to learn to deal with that, too.
This is completely normal. Children love to play, children love to move, children love to romp, etc. (at least, normally).
And they're expensive, too. A child costs around €120,000-€150,999 up until the age of 18…just like you did when you were a child.
Children can also be accustomed to rest periods and educated accordingly.
Sorry, but if that's too much of a hassle for you, then find another "lover." The children are already here, and your girlfriend or whatever can't freeze them out or put them in a children's home because of you. My second son also has a wife who already had two children from a previous marriage… they also had to get used to each other over time. After a while, it all worked out wonderfully. They're grown up now and appreciate their dad very much…
Oh yes…that really says it all, as does your username….
Du bist nur nicht in Übung, irgendwann gewöhnt man sich daran – außerdem sind die aus den schlimmsten Phasen (die mit den sehr unruhigen Nächten) raus und in zwanzig Jahren sowieso aus dem Haus, wenn man darin steckt, kommt einem das ewig vor, rückblickend fragt man sich, wo die Zeit geblieben ist.
Aber: Die geben einem auch unendlich viel, das wirst Du auch noch merken.
They are children, they cost money and can be stressful.
The children belong to her. Either you can handle it or you can't, and then you should be honest and end it. It won't get any easier by putting it off any longer. But paying for all of this shouldn't be your responsibility either.
Nein das wird noch eine Weile so bleiben.
Kinder sind halt nicht einfach und kosten Kraft aber frag doch Mal deine geliebte was sie aufbringen muss im Gegensatz zu dir der nur ab und zu die Kinder um sich hat und Theoretisch jederzeit gehen könnte.
Was das Geld angeht so musst du doch nichts bezahlen. Sie will mit der Rasselbande in den Zoo? Dann hat sie sicher auch Geld dafür gespart. Hier drauf hoffen der geliebte zahlt schon fände ich etwas dreist.
Ihr müsst auf jeden Fall Mal miteinander reden. Ich glaube sie weiß gar nicht wie dir es geht.
I really have feelings for her… it would just hurt to leave
Von gehen sagte ich nichts. Du sollst mir ihr reden und dann auch ansprechen was dich stört und eventuell finden man dann zusammen eine Lösung.
Wouldn't take it, better find a virgin and have my own children.
But don't complain, children are children and can't help it
Du hast nicht begriffen, dass du eine komplette Familie durch die Beziehung bekommen hast. Entweder du kannst dich darauf einlassen oder du trennst dich.
280 euro für nen wochenendeinkauf? kauft sie gleich für den ganzen monat ein? sorry aber die spinnt sich einen ab. wenns in den zoo geht, warum sollst du dann ihren eintritt bezahlen, dass kann sie für sich und die kinder selbst machen.
It's perfectly normal for a single person to be overwhelmed by this at first. In a family, they come one after the other, and you get used to it.
If money is tight, there's a lot you can do outdoors. In the forest, use ropes and pulleys to build a cable car between two trees, search for leaves and identify which tree they belong to, arrange a flower arrangement using moss as a base (pretty sticks in winter, adults can play photographer and draw something they see, etc.).
Yes, one reason why eroticism can fall by the wayside. Could you take a weekend off (to your place) and babysit grandma/grandpa? If they don't exist, you can look for a grandpa/grandma who's your grandparent.
When the weather warms up, it's a great idea to camp at a child-friendly campsite, perhaps by a lake. The little ones will make friends and won't be constantly hanging around your neck.
wenn du jetzt schon weißt, dass du keinen bock auf 3 kinder hast, dann beende es sofort! das ist ihr und den kindern ggü. nur fair.
kinder sind nunmal anstrengend und teuer. wenn du mit dem, was sie zurückgeben nix anfangen kannst, bist du nicht als “stiefvater” geeignet.
Was heißt denn einfach gehen?! Beende das gefälligst vernünftig. Ist sowieso besser für alle.
Je eher du abhaust, desto besser für die Frau und die Kinder. Was soll sie mit einem, der weder sie als Mutter noch die Kinder akzeptiert.
Nur vorsorglich, du musst die Kinder nicht lieben und toll finden, alles ok., aber dann halt dich von alleinerziehenden Müttern fern.
Bei deinem Profilspruch sollte die Dame das Weite suchen.
Sei ehrlich zu ihr. Du kommst mit der Situation nicht klar. So wird das nichts.
…dann Bist Du kein Familienmensch
I wouldn't say that.
Many men are only interested in children they fathered themselves. That's not a bad thing; you just have to be honest and act accordingly.
Hat dich irgendwer dazu gezwungen, mit dieser Frau ein Verhältnis anzufangen?
Hat dich jemand gezwungen, in das Leben dieser Familie einzutreten?
Nein. Also: warum beschwerst du dich? Kinder sind so, weil es Kinder sind. Du warst nicht anders.