Weiterschreiben?
Ich habe das Schreiben für mich entdeckt…
hier mal ein kleiner Auszug:
Ich stehe vor der “Kapelle” im fünften Stock, zögernd nähert sich meine Hand der Türklinke, ich war noch nie hier. Seit dem Tod meiner Oma vor fast drei Jahren habe ich die stille und bedächtige Atmosphäre von Gotteshäusern gemieden. Zu groß war meine Angst, beim Anblick der Kerzen – die teils noch hoffende, teils trauernde Menschen für ihre Lieben angezündet haben – meine eigene Vergänglichkeit bewusst wird. Ich habe keine Angst vor meinem eigene Tod, nur davor, was er bei denen auslöst, die zurückbleiben. Ich stand nur deswegen auf der Liste für ein Spenderherz, ginge es nur mich, hätte ich mich längst streichen lassen und meinem Leben so eine Deadline gesetzt.
Soll ich weiterschreiben oder das Schreiben besser lassen? Seid ehrlich.
(8 votes)
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You’re highly talented. Please keep writing!
The text describes the hesitation of the protagonist to enter a church. The style of writing is rather diligent and uses many adjectives to describe the atmosphere. You also use metaphors to describe the feelings of the protagonist, such as the candles as a symbol of the hopes and grief of the people who have lit them.
However, there are some uncertainties about the action and the thoughts of the protagonist. Why does he enter the house of God, even though he has avoided it since the death of his grandma? Why is he afraid of his own transience, but no fear of death in itself? It would have been helpful to have more information about why the protagonist is on the list for a donor heart and what his motives are.
Overall, it is a text with a strong emotional component that tries to convey the thoughts and feelings of the protagonist, but it is not very clear in terms of the action and motives of the protagonist. There are also some uncertainties and disagreements regarding the thoughts and feelings of the protagonist, which make it difficult for the reader to fully understand his perspective. A stronger sharpening of the context and a closer look at the motivations of the protagonist would help the text to better convey its message.
It’s just an excerpt, there doesn’t have to be the whole content of the story in it…As a reader, I find it more interesting to find out some things themselves (by wise of the behavior and thoughts of the protagonist)
If that’s a Wattpad story… this little move is better than the current 60% of the stories there…
I also raise 90%
😂
I was faced with this problem, it was just about kidney and pancreas.
I hesitated to put on the T list, because there are others who lead a happy life and whose existence, for example as a father or mother, is much more important than mine.
For this, one should know that a year as a dialysis patient is about 2-3 “normal” years of life.
Of course I only know the excerpt, but I think you should write on. Don’t change your style, but don’t bother you.
I think it’s good that you have to remember a little yourself – and above all that you have to feel in order to understand the motives of the protagonist, you have to understand connections between actions and thoughts. If you write it that these two things logically and emotionally meet in the middle; and also the guide remains; your story is recommended
However, I would not read it myself because death x God x other is not my genre 🙂
No matter what others say, keep writing, don’t let you subjugate, it’s great what you’re doing and if it’s fun, there’s no reason to listen!
I also write and it is a wonderful hobby, please don’t give it up!
Yes, it reads well from the sound interplay of words and it is a very good visual language. Only the last sentence flips something out, through too many help words, but until then, very nice!
Sure, as long as you enjoy it!
You get to read on with your pleasure!
could you go to storyban… I would be happy…)
Sounds awful. Let it go
You can hear the extract? 😂
Very interesting.
Do you also like to explain why it sounds terrible?
Can you justify why you find it terrible?