What would you say about this poem?
I would like to emphasize that not only an open and honest opinion counts. It would be equally important to me if the answers were as friendly as possible. Everyone should say what they think here; today, everyone has their say.
I recently came up with this idea when I was distracted from a dramatic poem I was writing. At first, I didn't know what to do, but then another idea came to me. Poetry is something very enriching and, for many, certainly a heartfelt element of words.
To everyone reading this, I would like to remind you once again how unique you are! There will only be one person like you, and your approach will always make you unique. Anyone who sets a goal must be able to endure every consequence in order to achieve it. Having goals will always be worthwhile, and the outcome is unpredictable! No one is perfect, but everyone is unique.
I would like to thank you in advance for any answers!
(2 votes)
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Overall a good idea and also quite well implemented. In particular, the conclusion can make one quite contemplative, even if it does not express anything special at first glance. But you forget that and here it is made conscious. I don’t find the many lines of breaks negative at all. A poem is not a prose text, but also expresses something through the way the words are distributed on the lines.
What could be improved is the inclusion of moon and stars. The word famos doesn’t fit. And in this context, the moon could perhaps afford a little more than just come here. If I’m honest, I’ve often seen him rise or fall asleep, but he has never tried to get to me.;-) otherwise I think that poems should work through the text presentation or the presentation. Then one concentrates on disturbing me, such “images” usually, but that is of course a matter of opinion.
In any case, I find it nice that you belong to the people who not only secretly write poems and put them in the drawer, but also go to the public. This is always a risk. But that’s what characterises the writer, that he also exhibits his texts.
Thank you for this kind answer! To be honest, I often write several templates with different variations until I am absolutely satisfied. However, I wrote only one template here. I thought a nice picture in the background was something for the eye. However, it is not easy and maybe it goes without a picture. Therefore I have written so many poems, I thought that one can also publish one thing at a time. Before all this on Instagram. Of course, I also need respectful and honest opinions to improve. Your answer was a very detailed and respectful, honest opinion. Thank you for your helpfulness!
I find it all beautiful, I like the dreamy atmosphere and how it catches the feeling at sunset when it is as if the moment was infinite, as if the time stopped. 🌆
What disturbs me, however, are the many enjambements & by the fact that in some cases only one word per line, the text is not particularly liquid.
The reading flow is also made more difficult by the graphic design here, because this is not made particularly elegant with the green font and the background, if I can say so here.
All in all, however, a successful poem.
In the original I wrote this with my hand and that was something different. Finding a real picture and putting the text on it was a little difficulty. I would like to thank you very much for the answer and also apologise if the reading flow may be somewhat unpleasant.
Not mine. It doesn’t have so much to do with feelings or something… it seems to me more than if you just describe a fact and then you just chose words that rhyme. It is also kind of very dry and more so… tacky? As with these embarrassing love stories where one laughs because of the little sense. Sealing can’t be any one that’s just an art. But don’t take personally 🙂
Do I understand? You want to express that I can’t seal? By the way, I write a lot of different poems. Among them also dramatic and romantic. My efforts are always eternal thoughts that I want to convert into poetry. I hope this is not a problem.
no omg HAHAH No, so I didn’t mean that I just wrote my thoughts on this XD I love poems also incredibly like to read Goethe and other German poets every day but don’t even write. This poem has caused no emotions in me, and I wrote that up. But I would like to read more poems from you only that was not mine 🙂
Other:
If you want, we can also write privately to communicate better. Then I can answer all questions.
That’s nice! Literature is also one of my hobbies XD I have already written whole books in the second class. What’s your name on Instagram? Well, then I can look over there. And if you write things, they’ll all be published on insta? Who are your favorite poets? I would like to know who is most interested in you
Actually, I write stories. To be honest, that was even the beginning. I started with something in 2021 and wrote 2022 poems. However, I myself have not published any finished stories or anything. I write a story based on literary poetry etc. Well, not entirely based, rather with a small reference, so it impresses me. I am also writing a German fan-made and, by the way, quite different things. I’m just getting more involved with my poetry right now.
All right, XD, I’ve badly formulated it. Yes I’ll see if you have one thing that appeals to me 🙂 Do you write stories? Or just poems?
If I’m not mistaken, I have published a poem here. Also on Instagram, where there is not so much yet. I’m getting a little hard on it and I have to admit that I wrote better poems. This was the first template before all, and I usually always reworked everything exactly. I hope there’ll be a poem from me at some point, which may also please you. 😊
Fine. And now go through the night as the cats are scattering around the houses, two of them want to continue the morning
I don’t like it very much. The reim rhythm does not fit completely. Sorry.
Well, it doesn’t have to please everyone. Not everyone likes to eat marzipan. Well, that’s the way. Another nice evening, I wish!
I think it’s boring. But I generally don’t do anything about poems, so don’t take it personally.
Then why do you read that?
Because you’ve all spoken with the title.
Well, all those who are really interested in this subject area.
Hello,
I just like the end,
The beginning has too much for me remine you or I eat you.
AstridThePu
You’ve already stressed this “Reim You or I’m happy” too often. There are poems that have this “You or I eat you” style. These are sometimes very good. I’m glad you at least got the end.
For my brain this is not a poem for a long time, but – these are just a few thoughts written with remorsive words in sentences that are broken as lines. Already at the beginning, the good rhythm is broken again by “below”. Why? Shame! I hope exercise is the master! Many poems read and write and write the same…
My spontaneous poem from some of your words. Thanks for the suggestion! >
/ = line end // = verse end
Bavarian Nights Like Previous? //
If she is golden from heaven /
seems to rise down, /
when the moon is like a mold /
to hunt, //
When the stars sky /
in the dark,
when in spring the Hummel /
to brummen, //
When in summer the Semmel /
to the hard stone,
when the brown stem /
now every depp understands, //
then have Peaceful Bammel, /
what is behind clouds, /
then warriors beat the drum, /
because still everything
only twisted around them. //
Thank you, but I don’t think I can cite this answer as helpful, in my opinion. Not too bad.