Why do parents always look to those who are better than me? I feel under pressure.
I dropped out of high school.
I have my secondary school diploma, my driver's license, am in the second year of an apprenticeship, have never smoked or drunk alcohol and am still a virgin (of course it's okay if you're no longer a virgin, but I'm not pregnant at a young age, for example).
Still, my father always harps on me about dropping out of high school: "If you'd studied, you would have stuck with it." And at grammar school, getting a grade of 1 or 2 on exams was still praise. Now I'm in vocational training, and he takes it for granted that I'm now only getting straight A's and B's (which is fortunately true) and that my report card consists only of A's and B's.
I feel extremely pressured by this. Other parents are proud if their children even manage to complete their education.
Why is it so common for parents to never look at what their child has already achieved and never appreciate achievements? I feel pressured, and I've already brought this up. He just said, "Don't always focus on those who are worse off."
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Very important! Don’t make any pressure, just be STOLZ on what you’ve achieved.
You are, as it seems, very mature and determined with your decisions and seem to know what you are doing.
Many parents have usually become so big and do not know what is of course not justified. He should be proud of what you can do and not do what else. Finally, there will always be better and worse people. It is important, however, that you set your own goals and also set them up. And as long as that happens, you go the right way.
You can only talk to Him again and if he shouldn’t understand it, tell Him that he shouldn’t say anything to it because it doesn’t bring you anything if you’re just being put down.
It’s a bit paradoxical:
You want the best for you because you love you.
But she obviously overlooks that her idea of “the best” is very tight and wrong.
It certainly doesn’t feel nice. And in an ideal world, your parents would come to the fact that such comments are not productive to you and your successes, but violating. But since parents are also only people who cannot get out of their skin, often driven by their own weaknesses, it happens that parents behave in this inconvenient way towards their children.
You are now at an age when you will increasingly notice the deficits and weaknesses of your parents. It’s normal and important. But of course also disillusioning sometimes when you have to give up the childish idea of ‘perfect mum’ or ‘perfect papa’ in this process. See this: To the extent that you can recognize the deficits and weaknesses of your parents, and the feelings that can trigger these observations, you will also become more independent of the recognition of your parents. It is a normal process by which every healthy young person goes.
If your parents are open to taking you seriously as adults, you could also try to talk to them about how that feels when they say something to you. I can imagine that on the one hand this strengthens your sense of autonomy and on the other hand moves your parents to rethink. Whether such a conversation works depends very much on how learning your parents are.
Good luck!
Yeah, why is that? Because people always have ideals in their minds that they want to see fulfilled in any form, and then others (also their own children) are evaluated. What I always ask is also not mean evil, but: Why does it adore you? No fun. I don’t understand. I’ve never understood. With 13, 14, maybe even 15, wanting to make the parents proud is quite normal, but I think you have to come out of this age sometime and start living your own life without necessarily satisfying any expectations of others. It doesn’t mean anything. You won’t get anything positive if you’re telling your life according to the expectations of others or doing you completely unnecessary pressure. Look, you’re satisfied with yourself, proud of what you’ve done and done. The rest doesn’t matter.
So parents are now… They have their own image in the sight of what should be… as your future man looks, character. that he is so and so…
And of course what you do professionally and then they can give you and be proud of you..
You can also be so proud that you don’t take any drugs and have gotten pregnant with 13… and 10 men had to go to the paternity test… everyone wanted to run on the party…
It seems to me to be a remarkable point, because about the “following” of the child, apparently few guardians try to profile themselves as good or even perfect parents 😉.
Jaa the dear parents… nicely tell us “our daughter is with the police <3"... or works with the Babelsberger film studios and and and... best of all she married another winemaker who has a huge company or a hotelier...then she has taken care of
😆😆😆, string units for ego…
That seems very familiar to me. Meanwhile, I’m just as good in life as my big sister, where I’ve been measured ever since.
You just give your parents a little time to find out that you’re going to make your way without any excuse.
Why?….Typical control orientation more, higher, further, faster, etc. Once you are in this mill, in this cycle, you will be “operational blind” or better “blind for the important”. I broke out early and did only the necessary for school, to despair my parents.
Because they think it’s good and love you.
Just don’t let yourself be put under pressure.
Are you training for your parents or for you?