(TW violence and stuff) What do you think of this chapter?
Please be completely honest. This is my first time doing something like this.
(2 votes)
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It’s pretty good for the first time. Pay attention to grammar, especially to the time forms and try to fix all logic errors. (Pippets, what should this be for corridors in the house and why does the character that there is no exit think? Does he hit Ghostface after his father’s murder or after he got locked up? It’s still unclear for me…)
Otherwise, I found that the feelings were not described convincingly. Is he panic, loudly gorges, and doesn’t hear anything else? Is he gonna put his hands on the floor if he has Klaustrophobie? Why is he so calm when he discovers the murder of his father? What would you do if you saw a loved one who is just stabbed by another of your loved ones? I think I’d scream, I’d get bad and I’d run away… Absolutely not standing still.
That’s a lot of work now, but don’t let you guess. For a first story this is not bad (:
I just read the first photo now.
Darkness – how does he see the puddles? How does he know the blood is? If that were him, he would feel it. So the other way around. I feel the pain first, then I’ll orient myself.
Everything present and then cried? Please be consistent in the time form!
I Like it. A set-up and grammar-technical is still air up but everything in all good.
In an almost gorgeous way infantile.
I was just flying over, but what I read is enough for me, why are you writing so brutal things?
Nothing.