Tips for dealing with depression?

I (m/18) have never been through anything like the last few months before and I'm actually always a very positive person, but I'm really not coping well with it all. I've always been someone with a small ego, a bit of self-doubt, etc. but it all went through the roof after my last relationship (first love). It started during the relationship; I was constantly restless. At work, in everyday life, and in bed at night. The biggest problem was my jealousy in the relationship. This is what caused her to break up with me. I have to admit, I put a lot of pressure on her because my ego gradually diminished during the relationship. Unfortunately, so did my self-doubt.

After the relationship, I had the worst time of my life. I just threw up and lay in bed, grieving – as is usual. I also saw a therapist, who treated me for eight weeks. But I quickly realized that it wasn't helping me. No matter what moment I experienced during that time and now, it's gray and doesn't feel the same. It's no longer like it used to be, when you like to look back on good moments, but rather seems like a distraction and emotionless experiences. I dream about her every night and it always feels so realistic. It's really messing with my head. The whole thing is causing stress at home too… how often have I sat by my mother's bed and talked to her about it. Over time, I really got to the point where I was having suicidal thoughts, and my parents couldn't cope with it either. I think about every step I take.
For example, I often like to post videos of festivals I go to on Instagram. But I listen to something different than others (uptempo). I understand that many people find that way too harsh and immediately associate it with the "drug scene," but really, that's just me. I feel like so much attention is paid to a person's appearance these days that I'm afraid I won't find a partner because it's so judgmental…

Unfortunately, I don't have many friends or hobbies. I can't seem to get off my ass because I'm so mentally exhausted from everything. I come home from work and go straight to bed. The worst thing for me right now is seeing everyone around me with a partner, while I'm left alone. I'd like to get along with myself again, or ideally, live a life based on togetherness, but that's beside the point for now.

I hope you can help me.

If you have any questions, please ask 🙂 I am grateful for everything