Quarterly drinker?
My fiancé drinks alcohol about every three months with his parents or at a soccer game, and then he says he can't stop. He'll probably drink 11-15 beers in his heyday, and then he'll always become verbally aggressive and insult me.
His parents are alcoholics, but consider their drinking behavior normal.
I told my fiancé that I'm scared because I can't judge drunk people, and I hate it when he drinks. He promised me once that it wouldn't happen again and that he was ashamed. Then he took my engagement ring away from me because he came home completely drunk in the middle of the night and I told him to leave. He should go home; it's about a 10-minute walk away.
The day before yesterday he was drinking with his father at my house and his father was lying on my couch and my fiancé was supposed to be sleeping there too.
At 2:00 a.m., he woke up and insisted on sleeping in my room. I kicked him out again, and then he started insulting me again, very loudly. I told him several times that he was an alcoholic and that I was horrified by it, and that he should leave. I locked him out of his room, and then his father woke up too and called me a stupid cow and an oaf, etc. They both then went to his apartment.
I was so annoyed last night and couldn't sleep a wink.
Then he said, yes, he was sorry and he wanted to go to counseling now and he was doing an online module right now… I have no idea.
I told him I wouldn't marry an alcoholic, and until he gets that under control, there will be radio silence.
I will now distance myself from his parents until his father apologizes to me.
But I generally don't want to let such people into my life.
In the meantime, when he doesn't drink, he is the sweetest person and we are also expecting a child together.
Because of my family's history—my father is an alcoholic, and I haven't had any contact with him for almost 20 years—I have a huge aversion to people who are extremely drunk, and I'm afraid of them; I don't feel safe around them. I can't judge them.
(4 votes)
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Hey, that sounds really difficult and burdensome for you. It is important that you clearly communicate your feelings and concerns to your fiancée. It seems that his drinking behaviour has negative effects on your relationship and that he has difficulty in controlling his alcohol consumption. It could be helpful to use professional support to deal with this situation and set your own limits. Remember that your safety and well-being are at first place.
LG
OMG that’s horrible!
So far he behaves “verbal aggressive and insulting me.”
In your place, I would have great fear that this will also become handcuffs. Even a child should not be exposed to it.
He drinks “only” every 3 months, but he can’t stop. He is also alcoholic and needs a withdrawal. However, there is a problem with his parents who, as an alcoholic, would not be able to get dry in his project. He should radically limit contact.
My ex-husband was also an alcoholic. My child’s desire remained unfulfilled because I was too afraid that the child would get physical damage by the alcohol. He wasn’t aggressive, but I blew up before him when he was drunk. There was nothing left of love at some point and I divorced. I never regret it.
I have to add something else. Don’t think he’ll change. My ex-husband always stabbed me. Then he pulled himself together for 3-4 weeks, as long as it was possible. Then he fell back into the old pattern and drank.
By the way, I’m sorry I can’t give you any courage. My experience showed that I should have pulled the tear line significantly earlier. But you don’t give up marriage so easily.
Thank you for your answer! He always tells me that I’m guilty of it. Because I don’t appreciate what he’s doing for me.
I have read in literature that this is often a pattern to transfer responsibility for your own actions to others. As he always says, I can’t work now, because the fight is so burdening me with you and that’s why I blew my presentation – you’re guilty! Now I smoke so much again because you’re so upset about me…
Of course, it’s easy to blame you. Slayers also say to women that they have the blame if he has to beat them because they have done that or that wrong.
You didn’t say anything!
He makes it easy, he wants and will never change, he drinks. You have to decide if your life can go on like this. And I’m afraid alcohol consumption will increase.
Hello!
Browse the page http://www.Al-Anon.de whether it’s yours.
Hello, thank you. Are there such groups in Austria by chance?
You can find them on this page: http://www.al-anon.at/
Right – unfortunately you remain alcoholic forever…