Mutter akzeptiert neuen Style nicht?
Hi, ich bin jetzt mit meinem Style umgestiegen auf etwas breiter und vorher habe ich halt etwas engere Sachen bis teilweise skinny angezogen was ich einfach irgendwann übelst hässlich fand und habe mir deswegen im sommer etwas breitere jeans Und oversized Sachen im generellen zugelegt.
Mein Vater findet das cool, aber meine Mutter sagt die ganze Zeit das es mir nicht passt und ich habe ihr tausend mal erklärt das es egal ist was andere Leute denken und ich es für mich tu und ich es schön finde und sie sagt sachen wie „Was habe ich nur falsch gemacht, dass mein Junge breite Kleidung trägt, eng steht dir besser“ und so provokante Sachen wie: „Ich bin endlich froh wenn du von der Schule gehst und nicht mehr mit dieser clique bist die mit dir sowas macht“ wobei das alles Schwachsinnig ist. Es ist so als hätte sie einen psychischen Schaden und ich rede auch einfach nicht mehr mit ihr sondern geh direkt wenn die anfängt zu reden. Außerdem habe ich auch das Gefühl, dass sie meine Wäsche immer stück für Stück zu heiß trocknet weil die irgendwie immer enger wird.
Ich kann das alles einfach nicht mehr wieso lässt sie mich nicht einfach so wie ich bin? Skinny sieht so scheiße aus als Mann und sie will auch noch das ich sowas trage ich will einfach langsam nicht mal mehr mit ihr Leben, weil sie sich ständig Kopf macht was andere Leute denken könnten, wobei die nicht mal was schlimmes denken 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️
Take whatever you like. At some point we all discover our style. Even if it can change. We all have to test what we like.
You have to feel comfortable and then it fits.
As an old metalhead, I can sing a song of it.
My mother still tells me the clothes don’t fit me. I’m mid 30 😂. So no, it wasn’t just a phase.
Learn to ignore it. She thinks it’s good. But it’s better if you try.
Btw, I also find skinny more feminine.
I’m also metalhead haha… Yes but Skinny looks so fucking and if you’re honest, you don’t get the attractive with skinny jeans either.
It’s not like metalhead.
I wouldn’t overdo it, and I wouldn’t overdo it and feel ‘soft’.
So the first cunt only in one/two years 😂
But we are always misunderstood. That’s what it is. If I go to a wedding party or the like, it’s important to my wife that I wear a suit. It feels like dressing up.
I’ve only got cuddles for festivals. I find it practical. Kutte and Kilt. Otherwise I wouldn’t wear it either.
I was aware of the style 😂. That was more of a joke
That’s what most of us look like.
I thought you weren’t going to make one on goth or DM.
I don’t party like that. Dress me more like a rapper but am also more Nu-Metal fan so
This situation clearly shows that there are conflicts between individual needs for expression and recognition as well as expectations and values within the family.
Psychological perspective:
1. Understanding the Mother’s Reaction: Mothers often have a strong need to protect their children and want them to be socially well integrated. Your mother may seem to be worried that your new style could socially disadvantage you or that you are guided by external influences that she does not understand. Their behaviour could therefore come from concern and overrequest, although it is expressed in critical and injurious statements. She may feel insecure and tries to exercise control through criticism.
Two. Set borders and improve communication: It sounds like communication between you is very tense at the moment. An important step could be to set clear limits, but also to remain open for discussions. Instead of completely avoiding the conversation, you could try to explain in a quiet moment why your style is important to you, how it has a positive impact on your self-image and how you develop as an individual. It could help to show understanding for their views, but at the same time make it clear that you are responsible for your own decisions.
3. Avoiding escalation: By breaking or running the communication when it begins to make negative comments, you may be distorting the situation. Instead, you could try to stay calm, even if their comments are provocative. Avoid responding to provocative statements, and stay clear that it is important for you to express yourself as you think it is right.
Educational perspective:
1. Self-employment and identification: As a young adult, you are in an important phase of identification. Your style is an expression of your personality, and it is completely normal that it changes over time. It is important that you take the space for self-expanding, even if it comes to resistance. Parents must learn to accept and let go of this process, which can be difficult for them, but is necessary for your development.
Two. Explanation of your own perspective: Sometimes parents do not understand that a changed style or other external features express nothing about the character or values of the child. Maybe you could explain to your mother that your new style doesn’t mean that you have changed internally or that you let yourself be guided by negative influences. Instead, you simply express your feeling of individuality and self-confidence.
3. Patience and long-term adaptation: changes in the family structure can take time. Your mother has to get used to the changes. It could help if you stay patient and show her again and again calmly, that you are self-confident with your new style and that he is good for you. With time, she may realize that there is no reason to worry and that you are still the same person.
Constructive suggestions:
Looking for an open conversation: try to keep a conversation in a quiet moment, perhaps even with the support of your father, in which you explain how much the comments burden you. Tell her you want to feel accepted and that you value their influence, but at the same time you need to make your own decisions.
Focus on trust: Show your mother that you meet independent decisions and that your clothing style is only a part of your self-realization that doesn’t take you from your basic values.
Emotional distance: If the conversation doesn’t change anything, it might make sense to distance you emotionally to protect you. That means not going into any comment, but focusing on what is good for you and making you happy.
In summary:
The situation requires a lot of patience and understanding on both sides. While your mother acts out of worry and old values, it is important for you to preserve your self-development. With clear and respectful exchange, you may find a way that calms both sides a little, even if it may take some time.
You should be allowed to live free as a teenager, which is part of self-discovery. At some point, she will get used to it, especially since this is not even so unusual in youth.