Being thrown out of your parents' house at the age of 20, no money and no education/university?
Hello dear community.
I'm currently studying media informatics. But I don't like it. I generally have trouble with face-to-face classes, so I'm often at home. My father doesn't like it at all. I've always had a pretty poor relationship with my parents.
My father often scolds me for not going to college. At one point, I did the work I was supposed to do, and I tried hard enough. But I just had to accept that this course of study wasn't the right choice.
Now that sounds like an excuse. If that seems pathetic to you, please ignore the psychological stuff:
I've been suffering from depression and self-harming behavior for several years. I've been in therapy again for a few months now. I have a lot of trouble motivating myself to do things, but I'm sure this degree program isn't for me, and it's not just a lack of motivation.
It's just that everything in my life is going down the drain so quickly, all at once. I didn't even have time to prepare for something like this. After graduating from high school, I couldn't really relax either. I don't know how that happened. The longest free period of my life between graduating from high school and starting university was simply wasted. It wasn't relaxing, nor did I do anything useful. I only felt worse during that time, until I started therapy again (I had therapy several years ago, but it was relatively short and ineffective).
My parents definitely want to kick me out if I drop out of college because, as they put it, they "don't want to keep funding this shit." There was a huge argument with my father that was the last straw. I'm not an argumentative person myself; I'm harmless. I was always quiet and let them yell at me all the time. I'm also not someone who contradicts my parents or raises my voice at them. So it wasn't really an argument; I just let them yell at me.
My therapist encouraged me to calmly tell my parents about my situation and that it was all normal. But I never imagined it would end this way.
But I don't have much time left. I can't take the February exams; I have to drop out before then. As soon as I drop out or withdraw from the exams, they'll know because they check things like that.
Unfortunately, I have nothing. No money, no experience, no knowledge of anything. I've never worked. I don't know where I'm going to live or how I'm going to survive. I can't and don't want to continue with this course of study. What will I do with my psychotherapy? How do I find and finance a place to live? What should I do now? I'm very introverted and incompetent. I don't really want to live in a shared apartment, but if I have no other choice, I'll try that, if you might recommend it. I don't have any friends or other acquaintances who I could turn to for support.
The only thing I have is a 2.0 high school diploma. I have nothing else. This is all completely hopeless and overwhelming. I truly feel like a person like me doesn't belong in this world. I'd rather be dead.
Maybe you have some advice for me in such a situation?
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At your age, as a student, or as a fig breaker, I could imagine that you can get a relatively easy job at the supermarket, McDonalds or something.
This is of course nothing great, and it doesn’t have to be forever. But you can then prove to your parents that you will at least do something, and if they have to throw you out at least one income. Security alone should take away a lot of stress.
I’m sure you do better than just hanging around at home, measured by the situation after the Abi.
I would start an education that corresponds to a profession that again corresponds to my interests and skills.
Your parents can’t throw you out so easily as they have a legal duty to provide care. In any case, I would go to the District Court and make an application for counselling assistance with which you can pay a lawyer.
In life you often have to fight. If you don’t fight for yourself, who then?
Perhaps it will also be a help if you are advised by a social worker on the spot of the Caritas or the Diakonie, how you could achieve what goal in practice. Asking smart is never wrong – throwing the Flinte into the grain early – already.
You should forget about that!
And what you just need is not an apartment (which you can’t finance anyway), but professional help to get out of your depth. And then next week you will find your attending doctor and describe the problem. Because before you let yourself be dragged to unconsidered actions, you should ask for help.
And an aborted course of study is neither a world downfall nor a reason to have no entitlement to maintenance (if it happens at least in the first 3 semesters). You’re so young and have all the possibilities. And with 20 no one expects that you already have special skills in any activity. There are trainings for that!
But you just haven’t found the right thing for you yet. And you have to deal with it sooner or later.
Be glad you got anything. Don’t mean evil. I had to take 18 out of my home and look for an apartment without a perspective. Then there was also that I became mentally ill and did not receive support from friends and family. Everything had to be done on my own and so much so not to give up with my life. For over 9 years I have been living a chronic depressive detunement and don’t even get the simplest in life. Every day fight with myself until I completely forgot. I’m overwhelmed with everything and I don’t even know if it makes any sense at all. Two years ago, my brother died. The toast has worsened my depression even more so that my self-worth went to the tomb. Family and friends have lied to me for years, so I have become more and more in social decline since I can no longer trust anyone and open my heart as it has been fragmented for many years