My boyfriend is throwing money out the window, what can I do?
Good day, I have a huge request.
My boyfriend and I moved into an apartment together. We argue a lot at the moment because he keeps throwing his entire wages away on pointless crap and no matter what I say, he just doesn't listen to me. We share both his money and mine. It has happened a few times now that we have no money left at the end of the month because he always buys something worth 900 euros. But I'm not the kind of person who would let him go hungry if he has no money at the beginning of the month. We both get paid on the same day. Because I have two children, I always get maintenance at the beginning of the month, so I would be able to get by on my own. But because he never has anything left over, the money disappears quickly because I then have to do the shopping for him too. Does anyone have any advice for me on what else I can do to finally open his eyes and put him on the right track so that he learns how to handle money? If we didn't live together then I couldn't really care less but because we live together and I couldn't let him starve it's really not easy for me to get everything under control. I'm firmly convinced that he's addicted to shopping… I don't want to leave him either because there's always a solution and true love can get through things like this. I'd rather fight for everything to get better and for him to get his life under control, which is why I'm hoping to find help here on how to proceed and what else I could do. On top of that, he's a real stubborn person, really stubborn and if he doesn't get his way he's off on a tangent straight away… and he's very selfish… He always looks for my faults and always blames me for everything… I would be so grateful if you could help me!!
(2 votes)
Loading...
But there is only one solution if ERDF that looks and moves. Otherwise, you can put yourself on your head as long as you always catch up nicely financially and he doesn’t see a reason seriously, nothing will change.
Ubd no matter whether addiction or just selfish, he must work with a solution.
Talking to him openly and directly, that you don’t want such a behavior anymore.
And he either gets his finances in the grip, whether alone, with your help or professional help, but if not, then X.
What’s wrong with you?
With me, it would go on with “then I get a living-bed and separate myself from you.”
For sorry, if he does not show any insight and does not take any help, then I will not finance him the cozy life.
As I said, you can do a lot together, but only when BEIDE is involved.
That’s what I’ve already told him that it’s not going to go any further and I’m not going to finance his shit anymore. He came to me with the sentence you met me like that, and if it doesn’t suit you, you have to go. With that he had different when I met him not earned much.. I also talked to his sister and he said, even if he says that, he will come back anyway and that doesn’t mean it’s a trot phase of him and he says so.
Then talk to him exactly that if you go that is final and you won’t come back here again just because he’s sorry.
And whoever his pride or deceit is more important to him and he does not see what to change, then that is his decision and ok, but then ends there your common path.
Because you have children and have to make them an orderly life if you go for ever. Because an emotionally stressing back and forth you will not join them and you to love.
This is only possible if you two are similar views and deal with money as well. Doesn’t seem to work here, in this case you have to change as soon as possible.
There is only one possibility here:
You try one Common accounton which both of you pay an accredited amount. Food etc. is then paid by the money and the current common costs are covered.
Yours Pocket money then you will own bank account so that everyone can decide what he does with his personal part.
If that doesn’t work, I see no future in the relationship.
Well, I’ve already thought about it, but I can’t let him starve I’m just a much too warm-hearted person… He came to me in a fight with his money and my money, and I said you were starving? And that’s what he meant, why can you eat your sausage? so I don’t know it’s really complicated.
Where would he starve? A common account does not mean you have an empty refrigerator. Then only everyone has his own pocket money and nobody should starve.
Separate yourself. Your relationship doesn’t have a future if you don’t pull on a string and it doesn’t look like it.
He’s selfish and he’s just thinking about himself and not about “Euch”.
Consider if you want this for your future
At the beginning everything was so beautiful there he had also shown insight and everything has become so different since the trans story is not going on, and again and again what new comes and additional paths have come to me since then he has been so funny… I can help him where he feels comfortable and everything but I can’t really get behind this is a heavy burden.
Yes, and that’s up to you to decide if you want to do this for a long time and want to stand back or not
The only thing that helps here Duration orders. Recree what you need for him a month, and he’ll give you that every month. With the rest he can do what he wants. If he doesn’t move, I don’t know what else could help your relationship.
We have already managed a budget book to write down all the expenses and revenues and watch what is left over and that he then wanted to give me everything and I should clarify all the finances as soon as money is on it, this is all gone again and he then has the urge to throw the money out and listen I then always get he’s not going to work to just buy food he wants to do something. I gave him a limit of 250 euros a month but that doesn’t seem to be enough…
He practically wants to avoid what you’re going to do to him(that the money only goes on for household), just that he’s going through it hard. So do that, just buy the food for you!
It sounds like he’s insightful. Consideration would be the most important basis. Then you could explain finances to your PArt and with his consent to give him a monthly tolerated pocket money for his spare time.
Since he does not want it, the clearest WEg would be to separate all income and costs again. No common accounts and a strict allocation of expenditure. Then you have to disclose exactly what is costing rent, ancillary costs, insurance, food, etc. And, measured in income, then proportionally clarify who has to pay. I wouldn’t necessarily halve all costs. I would perhaps halve the rent, leave him the extra costs and take over the foods for them completely. Fixed costs are transferred to a particular TAg, best at the beginning of the month, so the money is all gone before he can invest the money in leisure. If food remains the share, you can balance its kind without it falling to your burden.
And if he owes himself to you again, write it on. Make a contract, record the money he owes. You don’t have to pay for it. But it must be clear that he must repay it all at the beginning of the month. Let’s see what happens.
With him the problem if we have no more money then he says I should make the finances then also get his card and everything but once money is on it he finds something on eBay classifieds and then buys it and then the words he says back to niece
And how exactly does he get back to seven card? If you have them? And then he should not have an overview of the account balance.
Pay him his cash. If you can try every month and if this leads to escapades too much, then just weekly.
Sparplan. All money goes to a shared account.
This money will be used for you and all your expenses. What remains is saved.
You can use what remains on your own accounts for your free time.
And if that doesn’t work, you need to consider whether your partner is the right person to take responsibility for your two children.
Well, I get divided money that means I get money at the beginning of the month then 1 week later again money and then a few days later the pay and he gets pay in the same period as I too.. and my money is almost empty at the beginning of the month always because the money for shopping goes on my whole money what I get In total everything goes for purchases and billing on his money goes to flöten for his fucking what he gets
That’s why my “solution.”
Your money goes to a certain percentage on a common account and all invoices and purchases are paid. The rest saved. What remains on your own accounts can be used for leisure.
If that’s true, there’s nothing to do. Then he will always spend all the money he has access to.
If it’s not true, my proposal would be a common account to which you both have enough money to live. Shopping, rent, everything. And then he can do whatever he wants with his remaining money.
If he’s really looking for a purchase, he’ll just empty this account. This is not a question of dealing with money, that is a serious psychological problem.
Yes So as soon as he sees money somewhere, he takes this as well as I have a savings box for 1 Euro and 2 Euro coins and so on and even there he goes Ran..
Where I was really mad at him, the day he went to the savings box of my son was what for his class trips. He also sold his console behind my back there I was really mad at him. That’s why I think he has a desire to buy. That’s why he is so because he is not satisfied with himself and so fills his needs because he doesn’t feel comfortable in his body?
Yeah, that’s sick. I agree. Do not give him (!) access to your money, yes, he would empty a common account.
You’re not his therapist. You can’t solve it. He needs professional help. And the insight that he needs help at all. Did he?
That’s a rough vrtrauensbuch to your child. At the latest this is a reason to separate. As a mother, it’s your job to protect your children. Even before your partner! You can’t talk about it or try to save it.
True love stands out, yes. But that is not true love if he only thinks of you and doesn’t change anything even though you talk to him. He doesn’t care about your relationship, he just ignores you. Tell him he’s flying out when he goes on like this and if he doesn’t stop, the eyes are open to you that it just doesn’t work with him.
Well, we had a lot of arguments where it took a long time before he changed something. But since I’ve been so disgusting to him and don’t show him any more and this whole story with the trans thing is not going so cold. First it went ahead and there everything went well but now again there are so many hurdles and since then he’s so evaluating. and he just told me if I didn’t start to change what to me.
The consequences are drawn after you realized that you have given you another selfish and immature “child”….for family it is probably too early.
These are not his biological children… I’ve brought both kids into the relationship, and he’s been with someone who has a child and from his friends I’ve learned that this behavior he’s doing with me at the time his ex-girlfriend has done with him and he’s pretty much accepted that…
I know that it’s your kids.
Well, then a lot of fun with the “3nd child”….
We just moved to the apartment together this month
Go on two separate accounts. Don’t give him access to your account and no power of attorney. If he should actually have a purchase order, you must be hard here.
3 accounts – a household account where everyone pays in proportion an amount. The current costs and costs for food and co are paid.
To do this, everyone has their own account for their pocket money. with the money he can do what he wants without the other being allowed to complain.
therefore the proposal with the budget account – then this cannot happen that there is no more money at the end of the month. If he works at the household account for his hobby things, then you know what a person he is…. he’ll never get better. So either accept or separate…
then give him an appointment with a psychologist before or a group hour in a self-help group. The problem is if he doesn’t want to help because the pressure of suffering is too low. You’re jumping anyway if he doesn’t have money anymore – so why should he let himself help?
and true love overthrows everything – but in the end you may be broke and a psychic wreck. And even if you have children you should think of yourself – because your children need a mother.
I thought you had two children – then you should know how to deal with people who are like swollen or dead if they don’t get what they want… if your friend is acting like a child, he’ll be treated like a child. He’s dead and he’s smiling – you don’t get everything you want in life. that children have to learn and seemingly your friend
then he will not want to get better because he has no problem – you are the problem. So he’ll never want to do a therapy lesson when you have to do this because you’re the person who has a problem with him….
So again: Love back or back – but why are you still with such a person?
That’s what I’ve already told him to let him help, but it was his reaction, he went up like nothing and banged my head to help me.
Well, when I say no, he’s blew and starts treating me like the last dirt.
if my partner treats me like the last shit, I’d be gone long ago…
Money has only a value because we believe it has a value.
You just live why you’re supposed to save it.
You all banks work as well
https://youtu.be/vDyYe4iss4A
https://youtu.be/AiFKNizPsho
Sorry, but if you don’t want any consequences, you won’t change the situation. My proposal would be a common account for food and live. The rest can then be spilled.
I’ve already bought a safe, where the money is to be eaten and everything in place where only I know the code, but he hasn’t put any money in it, because he’s only getting paid. I will definitely address this later because that definitely can’t go any further…
sorry but you don’t think the relationship is sick when you have to buy a safe so that the partner doesn’t empty the account…
you don’t solve the problem, you just run away or push it out later. Do you really want to hide the money you need to live in a safe? what if you get along with a bigger sum – then maybe you will hide $50,000 in your safe?
And that’s the problem.
I could give you 100 tips on how to better share money. However, as long as your friend has no consequences for fear of non-compliance, nothing will change his behaviour.
Alex
Well, he always says that we have to save and that he sees it himself that it can’t go any further, but as soon as money is on it he turns off completely and does what he thinks right. He proposed it with the safe and also he wanted to give me his card but as once money on it he turns off.
So what? He’s got enough money. If he’s gone, he’ll take your money.
As long as your friend has no consequences for fear of non-compliance, nothing will change his behaviour.
and? As long as you don’t pay off his debt, it’s okay.
Well, I think he’ll get it somewhere else
If he doesn’t get any money from you at the moment he doesn’t have any more money, he won’t be left to be more economical.
So you mean I’m gonna give him some more money if he’s all so he learns it?
Make separate cash registers and then he learns it. Some people don’t help anything other than that.
it could be that you’re right about buying. But the problem about this is that he has to look at it himself to get help.
You should withdraw from the common money. You have your money, he has his money. At best, you will take him 100€ for food.
Shoot him in the wind.
You have children and you need a man who is mature and responsible. Your friend isn’t. You’ve talked to him several times and he doesn’t change.
Let him starve. As long as you always jump in, if he hasn’t had more on his rags early, there’s no reason for him to keep fire breeding.
Or shoot him in the wind.
I would say that clearly. common costs are shared for life. Rent electricity etc. but the rest is your money and its money
From his side it is certainly not true love, you let yourself be exploited and at the expense of your children, shame about you!
How much are the 900. 20 percent?