Man with child, I feel like I'm in a supporting role?
I'm perfectly aware that when you get to know a man with a child, the child always comes first. But we've been together for three years now and I get on really well with the child and the child likes me too, etc. But there are always situations where I feel completely left behind. Basically, on the weekends when the child isn't there, he has no interest in doing anything. We only really do things with the child and when the child isn't there, he doesn't want to do anything. At the moment I find the situation really bad. I really need my partner by my side (my father is seriously ill and I was told that he can't be cured anymore and that only life-prolonging measures are possible). He picked up his child on Wednesday and it was agreed that he would bring it home today. Since then I've been completely alone with my feelings because when the child is there it's the center of our lives anyway and it never has to be alone etc. He's constantly stuck to it and there's no couple time in the evenings either because he goes to bed with the child. Then today the child said that he didn't want to go home yet, so he didn't have to. I then said that I needed him too and someone who would be there for me, but he wasn't really interested in that. I don't want to put him through the choice, but in a situation like this, after he's had five days of father-child time, he can't even take Sunday evening to be there for me. I feel completely alone at the moment, and then he went back to his apartment… I don't want to sound selfish, but I feel like his life is completely pointless… Is anyone of you perhaps in a similar situation right now?
(3 votes)
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I’ll answer you as a single mother.
This man only needs you as a support in his father-child mode, but not as a full partner and family member at his side. I bet he enjoys it when you work with the child and he can do other things by now. You take him a lot of work and he sees it as a matter of course, right?
You realize now that you can’t rely on him. Your father has no longer long to live, and he doesn’t care how you do it. Such behaviors show merciless egoists. He’s using you.
I wouldn’t hesitate to say a minute, but still today I’d say “goodbye”.
Happy you!
In the past, I took him more, and it was on some days that he picked up the child and then laid down, and then I went to the playground with the child or walk, etc. I meanwhile don’t do what I told him quite clearly. What did not fit him, of course, because then the answer was always only I would not have been a shock to his child. And as you say he saw it as self-evident because that’s the thing if you had a partner with a child…
Because you post here another (slim) experience (of many others) as an answer to Esttrella06: You are still much too fond of the sacrificial role and unfortunately cannot answer you what Estrella 06 really wrote to you. But only through certain suffering you come back to light!
Plus that he always says at every discussion the child is first of all what is really okay but I think it should be all within the framework and no one should feel marginalized or less value as I often feel when the child is here…
As an AE, I would never constantly stress that the child is first! This is an absolute warning sign, because it only reveals itself and shows its true motives! As already written, he only needs a stupid thing where he can “load”. I’m sorry for you. But I don’t think that’s gonna happen.
Take your consequences out of knowledge!
In emergency situations, you can see the true character of a human being!