Break off contact with father after mother's death?
Hello everyone,
I'm in a difficult situation right now and I don't really know how to deal with it….
My mother died about 5 months ago and it was a very hard shock because I had to watch my mother die for 6 weeks and couldn't do anything to help.
Not even 4 months later, my father already had a new woman in his life, he is 80 and she is 58…She has already moved into the house, sleeps in the bed where my mother slept, and even wears some of her clothes (and acts as if she already belongs there).
I cannot accept this situation and believe that she is only interested in money…
The relationship between my father and me has always been very difficult and problematic, but now I'm faced with the decision of whether or not to break off contact with my father…
To make matters worse, we have the issue of the inheritance, where he has the usufruct, and he is denying me access to the inheritance (although he can't do anything with it because it's his statutory share…)
Now I'm considering, if the relationship is already so bad, and we're obviously not going to find common ground (the man should be happy with his "new woman," but I find what's going on absolutely disrespectful and reprehensible, but it's his life), I should get my statutory share of the inheritance paid out (through the court) and finally put the matter to rest…
I have to say that when I told my father 2.5 weeks ago that he should come to us for a few days, I got the answer, "I'm not alone anymore, so I don't need to come to you anymore." That alone, in my opinion, speaks volumes about how little interest he has in his family…
Thanks for your opinion on this.
Greetings
a desperate…
(2 votes)
Loading...
Always keep contact with your father and be patient with him. He raised you.
But you have to get the inheritance in any case, and you should always address respectlessness. Describe your feelings openly and honestly and he will certainly show understanding.
My condolences and patience!
Thank you for your answer, unfortunately this is not so, my father didn’t raise me, that was my mother, my father was almost never present and almost never had time for me….I would have liked it differently but is unfortunately so… when I told him this subject was very burdened and I don’t know how to deal with it I received the answer, that’s my problem and I should solve it…
Seems to be an exhausting case, but I might ask one more thing…
If you separate from him and he dies in a few years, would you regret not spending time with him?
If your answer is no, you can separate from him.
Like I said, a hard case. Most people believe money solves all the problems, but more likely it creates more problems.
Unfortunately, you have to make the best decision for you now and through wisdom considerations.
If you are looking for a fixed rule of moral ethics, I can only recommend Islam to you 😂
He said that with those alone he said to my already deceased mother…
I have had almost nothing of Him for the last 45 years to sprinkle out of the stupid, sometimes some money behind, beat and let me feel like a useless little child… When my mother died he only said “You leave me here now!”… even his grandson is not being observed, let alone worry about Him…
Wow, I’ve read your story and I can understand your thoughts so well! Shortly to my story: my mother died 3 years ago. Three days after the funeral, he had his first date. A few days later, all the clothes were thrown away from her… the house was like she never had. Now with the 2nd partner, he quit my family. I am unable to build a fatherly relationship with him. His new partner is now everything for him. Since then, the contact has steadily decreased. It’s hard because the mother was taken to one and now also the father. I believe your and my father are of a similar blow human being: zero empathy and I just don’t think they understand what they are doing in other people and they don’t care. I think you just have to take them the way they are and just let the level of contact you do well. I don’t know if I completely cancel the contact, but at least I don’t have any expectations about it in any way.
No one can judge whether it’s for money.
Since you already describe the relationship with your father as difficult and the mourning for your mother is still added – you will hardly be objective here. I’m right to you that it’s pretty fast, but there are people who can’t handle being alone. Maybe it’s less about a life partner, but a cooking and cleaning aid…
Maybe you just have a different view of the grief and you gave him the feeling of falling burden on you or he only felt your invitation as a duty but not as honest.
You only have to ask for your duty if your mother has made him alone by will.
If he actually has the consumption – then this would suggest that you are already the owner of the property. And he’s the abuser – he doesn’t have to give you access. What do you want with the lawyer?
you can let the sneezing use be lifted over court for payment of a fee, it is so that we are both owners since I have the share of my mother’s inheritance…
You only receive a consumption under German law with the consent of the abuser in which you give him a removal and the deletion is notarially confirmed.
Then I would first clarify how the father comes to the abuse. This is nothing that is usually granted to one another as spouses.
If both parents were owners. you as a single child are owners to 1/4 if the marriage was brought in. And the group of heirs can only be cancelled if one of the other shares would buy off or the division auction.
Hello, I’m sorry about your mom
You’ve already talked to your father about what you don’t understand… Because of his new girlfriend…
I would have said to you all that you wrote here perhaps he will understand that he should hear you I wish you all good speech with him will see there is a solution dear regards Adela
Hello, and thank you for your answer, unfortunately this is not feasible, we are actually completely incompatible with each other, my mom has always sneaked between us, but this is no longer possible….leider….
You must be strong for your mom even if she’s not here… Your father has to accept that you don’t understand all this…
Let him time maybe he will calm down
My father doesn’t care what I don’t know, it’s just annoying for him….
> > allow the inheritance to be disbursed (by court) and to be definitively covered by the subject. < <
That’s exactly what you two do not come well together, so this would be a solution AND compatible that you are no longer in duty when your father care etc. It’s gonna be a new partner. She’s going to sneak up his inheritance, and no one knows how long it’s going with your father.
That the new dresses of your mother wears and all that you have written, I also find very strange, but let it be good, if not your problem.
I understand you, but I think you should differentiate.
One is your inheritance. That’s right to you, and you should insist on it, just if you’re denied access.
The other is the relationship with your father. Every person mourns differently and there are people who can be bad without a partner.
You don’t have to like the woman and I understand that it bothers you that she’s here and uses the stuff of your late mother.
But your mother is dead and no matter how you find it: your father is still alive and probably is not happy to be alone. What motivation she has, you don’t know. My father always has a lot of younger women and there’s nothing to get with him. Sometimes there are simply needs.
At your father’s age you don’t wait so long….you don’t have so many chances for a new partnership and not so much life time to start a year of mourning.
That he doesn’t come to you to stop being alone when he has a new partnership makes sense. Then he doesn’t need this help anymore. I don’t understand why you conclude that his family isn’t important to him?
Why do you want to cancel the contact? That’s so drastic. Wouldn’t it be enough to drive him back? If he asks, you could tell him (without accuses) that you still mourn your mother and don’t get well with seeing another woman in her place, but he can come to visit you (alone).
Thank you for your message, my father was never cumbersome, that was Mama’s “Job”…the contact he has before approx. 3 weeks after he told me that he has someone new…I am convinced that he has no interest in contact with me or my son…he hasn’t even congratulated the little one for his birthday, and when I told him that he should perhaps congratulate him, I got the answer, why isn’t my birthday….
It’s not necessarily about that he has someone new so shortly after the death of my mother, but it seems that he would be obsessed with the redemption of you….
As said, people mourn differently.
If your father doesn’t report back, I wouldn’t run behind.
Report for birthday and Christmas or write a card, whether he does it or not and be friendly if he calls.
But expect nix.
I’m sorry for you.
I’m in your opinion that it’s just money.
Take a lawyer to get you to the money that’s up to you and then separate yourself so you can rest.