Ist meine Mutter wirklich eine schlechte Mutter?
Hallo, also ich bin jetzt seit einiger Zeit in Therapie und da kam das Thema Familie vor. Ich habe halt meine Probleme geschildert und mein Therapeut ist zu dem Schluss gekommen das meine Mutter eine schlechte Mutter ist.
Meine Mutter ist eine sehr schwierige Person. Wir haben seit sehr vielen Jahren kein gutes Verhältnis. Sie hatte mich als Kind immer allein gelassen und geschlagen trotzdem ist sie für mich da.
Sie ist oft sehr angsteinflößend hat aber auch ihre guten Seiten. Sie ist vielleicht nicht so für mich da wie ich es brauche aber wenn gibt sie sich mühe.
Sie Wieder spricht sich oft selbst was es auch schwierig mit ihr macht. Sie hält nicht das was sie verspricht und über Probleme kann man mit ihr nicht reden. Sie provoziert gerne wenn sie Langeweile hat.
Sie schreit auch viel wenn ihr was nicht passt und das obwohl wir beide aufhören wollten uns anzuschreien.
Manchmal hat sie sich nicht im Griff und platzt förmlich. Früher hat sie auch eine menge Probleme in der Familie gehabt weswegen sie so ist. ( Ihre Worte) Ich weiß einfach nicht ob ich meinem Therapeut glauben soll.
Therapeuten können ja viel erzählen in einer Stunde. In zwei Wochen ungefähr sehe ich ihn wieder da kann ich nochmal mit ihm sprechen aber ich brauche jetzt eure Meinung.
Ich weiß auch gar nicht was eine schlechte Mutter ausmacht.
(4 votes)
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Your mother apparently has serious mental problems and was never willing to accept help and revise her own past. She just keeps on what she experienced herself. That’s her way to reduce tensions, so she feels better. This is the convenient way to go, by the way, many parental parts with this problem!
Your therapist just says she’s a bad mother. Okay, nice and good. But I find very lean! If he just lets it stand like this without going on, then he is not a light from a therapist. There should be something more to do, especially strategies to protect yourself. Happy you!
Thank you for your answer.
Hello, I read a similar question yesterday but did not answer because the FS probably did not want to hear and understand my answer. She was only concerned with the assessment of her mother, from the point of view she was described by her. With you this is about the same, but you ask from another interest and perhaps the similar question gave you only one suggestion.
I think nobody can judge a person he doesn’t know himself, but you get a picture of someone who asks such a question. In my opinion, you are not comparable to the other FS, but a completely different type of person. Your problem also seems to be different if you’re looking for a therapist.
It’s true, not all the therapists are the same, so it’s very important that you trust him. If that’s not the case, you should look for another therapist, best a psychologist.
He won’t be able to change your mother, but he could explain a lot to you so you can understand why she is. Knowing this may make it more acceptable to her. Your mother, too, was a child and perhaps not had the opportunity to develop differently.
This should not be an excuse to just help understand.The things you understand often make it easier to accept them.
Thank you for your answer. My therapist is a psychologist, but you couldn’t know that. My mother had two more children before me and they were honestly treated a little better, so my mother would not have had to retrieve her mistakes with me for a third time. I don’t know what to believe anyway.
Yes, if I had heard so many things that do not correspond to the truth, I wouldn’t believe anything. It’s incomprehensible that your mother has been so badly and even beaten with you, it doesn’t matter that you’ve always been afraid and still have.
I don’t know how old you are, but if you’re in treatment with a psychologist, you’re probably suffering from a great anxiety disorder that makes life even harder than it is.
It’s good you were looking for help. But I know that with most young people the expectations are different than they think and therefore most quickly throw the towel.I want to explain a bit what awaits you and hope you can keep this therapy through.
It is certain that no psychologist, psychiatrist, or a therapist, will solve the problems of his patients. That can and must be all alone.
But they can help with conversations, give advice, show ways, or even medicines, so that the patient gets strength and courage for his heavy task, namely to change something in his life.
For this, it is very important to know the patients well so that they also get the right help that is feasible for their problem. Changing means doing something active, or just changing his thoughts, setting imagination so that life is bearable, or can be changed later.
Sorry, this is quite difficult to explain, but for you the latter is probably right. Because you can’t change anything actively because you’re not full-year and therefore still have to wait. But you can learn how to deal with everything that doesn’t burden you so much, and that makes it much more bearable.
As you can see, most of the work is on one. Unfortunately, most young people do not want this work, they want the doctor to make sure they are better, which is unfortunately impossible.
It’s sad if many don’t understand. They then say that the doctor or the therapy did not help me, they did not let themselves help and the effort of the professionals was for free.
I hope this statement was a bit instructive for you. I’d do your therapy. You learn a lot for life. At some point, the time goes to your full year. Then try to make yourself independent as soon as possible, even from the family. Because only if you are really free, your fear disappears. I wish that life still keeps a lot of beauty ready for you.
I have already answered other questions of this questioner and I came to the conclusion at the time that, in their case, it is likely that a withdrawal from the family by the Youth Office should be the solution to their problems.
The youth office had done that before, but she came back to her mother.
The questioner also does not find the quality of care in the children’s home satisfactory if I remember correctly.
Thank you. I just looked at the profile and questions. Didn’t read before. Just some answers I found pretty good. When I read her question, I somehow didn’t recognize the severity of her problem.
If the difficult circumstances are already known to the Youth Office, I do not understand why it is still home . Well, children’s homes rarely hear something good. Does that have to be a children’s home? I do not know how old it is and whether or not there is any other possibility. I don’t know that. But I read her question carefully again and find the psychologist and what he said was not good for her.
Yeah, I think it’s just like you. But when I read how and what she writes, I see a very intelligent girl in her and we can only hope and desire that she never feels guilty for her mother’s behavior.
Unfortunately, this discussion will therefore also burden them.
I don’t think it can be avoided.
If the youth office takes her out of the family and you always pack her in cotton before, she is probably not helped by it.
If the Youth Office leaves her with the mother, it is important for her that she does not overly blame herself for the states.
Telling a child, your mother is bad, no one can.He could have rewritten this in other words.. She’s 14 and she can’t understand much. But a mother-child bond is always there if it is still so small. Her mother is likely, although rare, sometimes good to her. She talked to her earlier and after she wrote that, the words followed… I just don’t know if to believe my therapist. So she doubts whether her mother is bad, at least what she herself understands badly. Thoughts that burden a child even more, including conscience.
Okay, sometimes it is difficult for outsiders to recognize the depth of a problem. After reading your question again, I don’t like your psychologist. Telling a child, your mother is bad, that can’t be. No one can say that, no matter how the mother is. Maybe you should think about changing him. I personally do not find him competent and it would be very sad if he hurts you more than helps.
she is 14.
What else is he supposed to say?
I’m pretty sure I’m not scared. I just mentioned that my mother can be anxious. What comes to me I already know this is not my first therapy.
I’ve worked a lot on me, but my mother also has to work on herself, which she doesn’t want because she thinks it’s my problems and she has nothing to do with it.
But thank you for your answer.
A good therapist does not make such a condemning statement. Often “Täter” themselves are victims, so exactly your mother should do a therapy and not only you
Thank you for your answer. The fact I have often told her to do a therapy, but she always refuses it and does not take me seriously.
Should the therapist therefore not say anything negative about the mother until the youth office takes the questioner, because the risk of child welfare is no longer to be solved?
Is it really right that the therapist does not say anything negative about the mother until this point?
Is subjective, but mMen is a parent who applies (no matter what form of) violence, in principle a “good” parent.
These are external opinions. For YOU, ask yourself what a good mother does. Lovely, supportive, NIEMALS violent, patient, self-reflective etc., also here again. What do you think about DIR? Expectations? Views? How would you treat your child?
You don’t always have to divide everything into good or bad. Maybe you’re making it easier with another expression? Is there something you can think of?
All just thought stimuli 🙂
Thank you for your answer.
Och, not for:)
You have often asked questions here that clearly show that your mother is a difficult person. It’s not the other way that the youth office is active in your family, and your mother has ultimately made you stop hitting you.
We have already discussed that your mother hides or plays down the other problematic behaviors. This alone shows that you just have no luck with your mother’s person.
For every reasonable adult would immediately stop everything you write on this question when he comes to the idea that the youth office should not know.
If you think that the Youth Office should not know, then the extent to which you should simply master yourself and stop screaming is reached.
That your mother is trying to play things down shows that she knows she did something wrong. She should follow and change her behaviour. That she doesn’t see a problem with herself is one of her biggest problems.
Not otherwise it would almost happen to you that if you had found a good nursing family as a child that you would live there and not with your mother. The nursing mother would then be exactly the opposite of what you describe in this question.
Well, I think I know what my parents did to me, I can see what was wrong. I can also name it badly, I could draw clear limits and break the contact.
But I can let it stand and I learned my lessons from it.