Illegal legal emigration to the USA!?

Hi

I'm well-informed about the internet and computers and can get certain items on the dark web (anonymously, of course) with at least a 70% chance of success. Sellers are rated.

I have a German passport and a very attractive Russian man 😁

I hate the cold etc. and want to take a risk before I get old. I'm 21 and have completed training as a vehicle mechatronics engineer, BUT unfortunately the job isn't really my thing.

I want to emigrate to the United States and work there. I'd also like to get here quickly. If I speak English, finding a woman shouldn't be an issue. I had sex with women from England several times on vacation, and I understood her maybe 40-50%, while I had about 20-30% English. 🤣 I still had a drink, talked, and went to my room.

I'd like a quick marriage for a green card! Are there websites for that? US dating sites or something? Or a fake marriage? I'm quite attractive with gray-blue eyes, etc., so that shouldn't be a problem.

Otherwise, can anyone help me with what options there are? Going to the USA with savings and a bit of a living, finding a woman, and getting married—do you think that will be difficult in the USA? Otherwise, what options are there? (Even strange options are welcome)

I'm very comfortable on my own, so I get along well. I don't have a social need for recognition or anything. My goal is in sight! While I'm still young, I want to give it a try, even if I end up living in a small apartment in California with a fairly well-paid, under-the-table job and being alone. The goal, of course, is a work permit, a job, family, kids, etc., but the main thing is to be in the USA.

If I end up in prison in the US for this, for example, will I be deported to Germany? Do I then have to serve my sentence in America?

please help