I'm so sad because I won't be able to do it…?

Good evening,

I have written here several times about my training, which is simply not going well, but I have to do it again today.

I just have to get this off my chest because I can't keep it a secret all the time.

I'm really sad at the moment because I don't think I'll be able to complete my training and I'm really worried about what the people around me will think of me if I don't make it. They all think I can do it and if I don't end up doing it, the disappointment will be even greater.

No matter what department I've been in, things never went well and everywhere I've gotten into real trouble at least once.

I became more and more afraid to even come to work because I was always afraid of being yelled at again. There were days when I almost started crying at work, and then I did it after work, too.

I think some employees also have a personal problem with me, and one of them once made a rude remark to me personally at lunch.

Now that I've arrived in a new department, I was immediately greeted with: "Don't tell me you're down here too," followed by: "He doesn't work for us, does he?"

There's simply never been a department I've been in where I was truly good, and that really saps my motivation. Even the intern who's moving to a different department tomorrow was better than me, grasping work steps and processes faster, even though he hasn't worked at the company nearly as long as I have. He's already received a lot of praise, which I certainly envy.

But I think I get more gossiped about than praised. I'm just incredibly sad, and on top of that, I got a C on my last assignment, even though I was usually one of the best in the class. What's even more annoying is that a guy who didn't study at all got a C-, and then I, who practiced a lot, got a C+.

I just don't enjoy it all anymore. I've also noticed that I'm not sleeping well and I'm totally tired in the morning, even though I've actually gotten enough sleep.

People have threatened me several times now that I won't be able to complete the training.

Even when I look at questions in the book that might come up in the midterm exam, for example, I can't answer most of them at all, let alone any math problems. I'm out of the running for that anyway, because I've never been a massive math whiz.

I'm definitely very scared of the midterm exam and I'm wondering if there's anyone here who can understand me and help me.

What if I can't do all of this?

I'm so sad.