How do I best react?
Here's the thing: I'm staying with my boyfriend (long-distance relationship) for the weekend; we're 14-year-olds and 16-year-olds, if that's relevant.
He's been suffering from depression for years, which is why he needs some peace and quiet every now and then, but it's never been the case that he has to distance himself when I'm there or when he's with me, so I'm only familiar with the situation via text, where it's a different thing to leave someone alone for a few hours.
He doesn't seem to be feeling well today, but it came out of nowhere earlier, so I thought I'd just sit outside for a few minutes and wait for him to call me back in.
That was over an hour and a half ago. After the first hour, I briefly checked with him, and he apologized and said I should just leave him alone.
Now I'm sitting here for another half hour and I'm really not sure what to do anymore. I don't want to seem too pushy and want to give him his space, but I also don't really want to leave him alone in his room.
I'm just sitting here now and trying to distract myself with little success, because I can't go to him or do anything else here, I don't have much to do with his family
Does anyone have any good advice on how I should best react now?
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Men have different ways to express their problems.
If we have a problem with women, we talk about it or if we have just experienced something.
However, if men have just experienced something or have a problem do not do it, not because they do not want it but rather because they do not know how to express it.
give him his rest, but say something like
“I know you're very bad and if you're ready to talk to me about it I'm here for you”
then you leave him alone
where he will come out of himself is also when he has something to do, e.g. does the laundry or washes off. Ask him not often give him the time is enough but otherwise he will talk to you the very least when he does something
and if it will be too much for you to be aware that you never have to be with him, if it makes you too much, keep better distance
Much luck 🙂
Yeah, I always tell him he can talk, but he thinks there's nothing big to talk about. Thanks for the tip with something next door 🙂
I know that I have to take care of myself too, I am myself looking for help, but I am not really deep in a hole yet, so he currently has more priority for me haha
You're very cute for yourself
I do, thank you <3
Why? This is an inconceivable arrogant and rude behavior. I can't believe you're doing this. You just have to worship this red spoon to humiliate you like that.
He has depression. He's not good. He needs free space, I like to give him, but I'm just worried about it.
Yeah, that's not polite, but whoever has depression sometimes has it hard. Would it be okay for him if he got in and you're in the same room?
You can do it.
I don't know, but maybe we'll do it if it happens again 🙂
OK.
He can't really do something for it. I also wish it were different, but I want him to be as good as possible, this is not about me. Of course it's a fucking situation. But he can't change it either.
A desolate situation that you are visiting, but he lets you sit in front of his door for 1.5 hours.
It's sad he's depressed, but it shouldn't take any niceties and respect for you.
He knows you're absolutely on him, he's playing the first violin.
Give him the free space he demands and drive home.
Don't let yourself be humiliated and iced by his illness.
He can report if he can talk again.
You are young and should not worry about your life with such problems.
Your friend belongs to a therapist, psychiatrist, or to a clinic.
He's not in a relationship.
I'm so sorry for you.
Go home and rest.
I wouldn't make any more visits, let him come to mind how he treats you.
Good for you.
He doesn't play "the first violin." As I said, this was the first time that this happened and he apologized before, during and after that several times, after that he was there for me again.
That our relationship will not be the simplest we both knew when we decided to do so, but he always took consideration of me, as I did on him, and was really always there for me.
We talked about it because he meant himself that it is currently difficult for him to maintain relationships, but he is in therapy, was last also several months in the clinic, he has help and even if it is just difficult, I know he can do it. And he really always took care of me and took good care of me last night.
I find your attitude and cohesion very great that you go with it through thick and thin.
Surely you also know that if you are with a depressed person, you also have to pay attention to yourself, so that you yourself are not drawn into this vortex.
I wish you good luck and good luck.
I know I've been looking for therapy now if I should get to that point. I care about myself, that was important to us both from the beginning.
Thank you.