(Goethe C1 exam) Writing correction?

Could someone correct my graphic description? I want to take the Goethe C1 exam in two weeks. I'm not sure if my writing is up to level C1.

My thesis deals with the topic of "media consumption," and the bar chart below provides important information. It refers to the year 2005 and provides an overview of German citizens, based on age groups, who engaged with various media and spent time doing so daily.

A closer look at the chart reveals that television is at the top. Radio takes second place. Video/DVD is the least popular, which is striking to me in the chart, as I thought video/DVD was among the most popular around 2005.

The general population and the younger generation differ in their choice of media consumption and the duration of their consumption. While the older generation prefers traditional media such as television and radio, the younger generation shows interest in modern media such as MP3 and the internet. I assume that the generational gap may have a significant influence on the choice of media consumption.

According to a study, media consumption has a negative impact on leisure activities. Today's young people are dominated by smartphones and consoles and are foregoing sports. They neglect socializing and choose to stay at home and waste time playing games. As a result, young people suffer from health problems.

The situation is the same in my home country. Both generations are addicted to media consumption and show little interest in outdoor activities.

In conclusion, one should spend less time on media and focus on family, friends and sports to keep diseases away.