Familiendrama, weil wir Schwiegereltern nicht mehr besuchen?
Mein Mann (28) und ich (29) leben seit zwei Jahren in der gleichen Stadt bzw. Nachbarschaft, wie meine Schwiegereltern. Anfangs war alles super, doch seitdem wir unsere Tochter (7 Monate alt) haben, gibt es so einige Schwierigkeiten. Die Familie meines Mannes lädt uns und die Familie meines Schwagers fast jedes Wochenende zum Grillen oder Essen ein. An sich eine schöne Sache, nur haben sie einige schlechte Angewohnheiten und laden immer den Onkel meines Mannes ein.
Zu den Angewohnheiten: sie trinken immer übermäßig viel Alkohol und rauchen am Tisch. Der Onkel fährt mit 2 Promille Auto und hat keine Manieren (er furzt und rülpst am Tisch) und redet oft Blödsinn. Ich bin in einer Familie aufgewachsen, in der viel Wert auf Manieren und Gesundheit gelegt wurde, weshalb dieses Verhalten schon vor unserem Kind unangenehm für mich war. Doch jetzt möchte ich meine Tochter nicht in so einer Umgebung aufwachsen lassen. Ich will nicht, dass man direkt neben ihr raucht oder dass sie ständig Schimpfwörter oder Rülpser am Tisch hört.
Mein Mann ist der selben Meinung, weshalb wir mit ihnen geredet haben. Meine Schwiegereltern geben sich viel Mühe, sich gut zu verhalten, doch der Onkel und die Familie meines Schwagers haben nichts geändert. Mein Mann hat nun verkündet, dass wir nicht mehr dabei sein werden, solang sein Onkel auch eingeladen wird. Seitdem ist die Hölle los.
Sie sind sehr beleidigt, meine Schwiegermutter streitet seit Wochen mit meinem Schwiegervater, weil er seinen Bruder nicht ausladen will. Meine Schwägerin gibt mir die Schuld, weil ich aus einer “Schicki-mickie” Familie komme und alle verurteile. Ich fühle mich Schuldig, dass es nun so viel Streit gibt und frage mich, ob ich diese Familie wirklich falsch verurteile, weil ich in anderen Verhältnissen aufgewachsen bin. Deshalb frage ich euch, was sagt ihr dazu?
(4 votes)
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I wouldn’t give it to myself either. Just massive alcohol consumption and tobacco smoke is not a healthy environment for a child. Even for me, I feel uncomfortable.
Either they can stop it or I’ll stay away. End ..
Yes.
If the uncle, especially with smoking, does not take any consideration, then I wouldn’t go if he was there. Exceptions might be family celebration, but not every weekend.
If the family has always been that way, it will no longer change. And if your mother-in-laws have a fight now, that’s their problem. I only notice that your husband has formulated the so-called proclamation, perhaps a little clumsy. If he has literally said that you won’t be there anymore, as long as the uncle is invited, that was, in my opinion, quite presumptuous for your father-in-law. Because it’s his house and he doesn’t need to be prescribed to whom he invites or not.
You’d better have said we won’t come if the uncle’s here. Well, that’s what I mean when it was literally said. However, there would probably have been any dispute anyway.
I wouldn’t wear it like that at your place. If you don’t live far from each other, I’d go the week and tell them you didn’t want such a fight. You just decided differently in the sense of the child. And this is your good right. Only speaking people can be helped, because I assume that the contact with the mother-in-law should remain. And don’t worry, your child will surely grow up with good manners, because you alone are the best model.
I’m on your side. I have to send it forward.
I find it important that you always live / enforce what you feel right for yourself. So if you were now the one who would have to eat grilled goods every weekend at a Schicki-Micki family, and you would be the one who constantly rags, furnches and uses force expressions – then I would say the same:
Stay with you!
For whoever bends for others – in whatever direction – definitely makes something wrong! It is super important that we have our convictions – our own opinions – and that we also live out! So stay true to yourself. Always! No matter if you’re an angel or a slumper. Whoever bends for others is never himself.
But I also live with manners – out of conviction. That’s why I’m on your side.
Then you can no longer participate in the barbecue. It’s not your fault! It’s just that. Your society is different.
Thank you for your point of view. It only hurts me so that now all the disputes. My mother-in-law, who simply takes the behavior of her family, has even moved to the guest room because she has so much argument with her husband. She’d rather have us with it than the uncle. The father does not find the behavior so well, he does not know it otherwise. But he doesn’t want to exclude the uncle.
Democracy rules seem to have been put out of force here, only because of family habits. And this phenomenon is, unfortunately, widespread. If we were to vote in the family circle, the uncle would certainly not have a right to attend.
Don’t make it to your problem! It is not Your problem – it is the problem of all those who are still involved.
If the mother-in-laws get into the hair so much, then there’s something wrong. This has nothing to do with you. They’ve got to go through them alone. If they think separate bedrooms are the right solution – well… is not your problem!
And in fact, no one has to go to school! Maybe it fits to Malle – is just the lowest level. Throwing is vital – yes. You can do that discreetly. I’m on your side. The uncle seems to like himself… who tolerates this is not better. Your father-in-law should think about it.
It only helps, you have made clear your point of view, which serves to protect your child and yourself. It is not necessary to put it permanently on the agenda.
I feel full with you. Thank God keeps your husband with you and his parents seem to take the matter seriously. Too bad it doesn’t show so much effect yet. Well, the dear relationship. This is one of the biggest challenges of child war. You are now suddenly related to your own child with people you don’t need. I’m sorry. I wish you the power that somehow comes in. I know that on my own. I feel with you. As long as your husband and you stick together, you’re the core family. This is the main thing. As long as you love you, everything else is secondary. Then you can easily bear the groll of the people who call you schickimicki. Smoke and alcohol are poison for a child. And the bad verbal handling of time too. In this respect, it is absolutely legitimate to restrict these dealings, even if there are family obstacles. I wish you the strength to endure. Maybe it’s going to be a bit, but it’s gonna be a big deal.
That’s right.
You did everything right
You did everything right. Don’t worry.