Extreme situation, move into a shared apartment?

Hello,

I don't know where to begin. First of all, I live with my stepmother, my father, and my sister. I'm 16, but my sister is already about 30.

I'm not really welcome in this family either; I never was. Even as a small child, I often had to listen to my stepmother tell me that I should go back to a home or that my existence was never wanted. My sister bullied me just the same for several years, mainly out of jealousy because I apparently had/had everything better than her. She's improved since then, but I can't forget a lot of things: how I was intimidated, yelled at, and constantly made fun of just to get me out of it, but I always forgave them. Well, I was young; what could I have done? I was scared, and of course, I wanted to stay there and not be chased away.

My father was the one who adopted me. He was with my mother at the time, and that's how I was conceived, but most of my stepmother's family couldn't accept that. I had to go through a lot as a toddler, and at the age of 5 I prayed to be with my father (when I was in a home). I went to the window. It was night, and the full moon was visible, and I spoke to him. He heard me, but of course I didn't know it was the wrong decision. Maybe it wasn't entirely wrong, either.

Well, I can't explain everything… Anyway, it was better for a long time, but now it's starting again. My stepmother complains loudly at me in normal situations. I can't discuss many things with her like I used to, and my father is also being suppressed, since she has more say, and my sister, of course, is still egging her on.

For example, I recently wanted to talk to her because she told me to fuck off and take my clothes off. Okay, I'm not perfect either, but I speak my mind and can't accept everything.

But hearing something like that hurts me and when I try to talk to her she screams, piss off and slams the door behind her.

I want to clear everything up with her without her freaking out. I'm afraid to even ask for a conversation, but now I have…

The problem is that nothing ever changes.. never

If I can't talk to her normally tomorrow, I'm thinking of moving into a shared apartment. What do you think? I don't really want to leave. There were good moments, but the bad ones outweigh the bad ones. But I love my dad so much, and he said, "I don't want to lose you." You know, I cried. Because I don't know what to do. I can't just piss off either. I think I'll hate myself then.

But it can't be normal that I need a therapist at the age of 16. I have derealization

LG.