Ehemann hat mich betrogen und wir leben noch zusammen, was kann ich tun?
Hallo
Ich bräuchte mal Hilfe oder Rat. Ich bin mit meinen Mann 2008 zusammen gekommen. Jeder hat ein Kind mit in die Beziehung gebracht. Wir sind jetzt/waren knapp 16 Jahre zusammen und davon 4 Jahre verheiratet, habe noch Zwillinge bekommen und noch ein Kind.
Zu meiner Frage komme ich später, also wir arbeiten zusammen und haben Anfang des Jahres den Arbeitgeber gewechselt. Ab Mai habe ich gemerkt das bei meinen Mann irgendwas nicht stimmt. Ich habe schon irgendwas geahnt und gespürt auf mehrere Male nachgefragen kam immer ist nichts. Bis ich herausgefunden habe das er mich betrügt. Das hat angefangen als er mir ein schlechtes Gewissen machen wollte und hat gesagt er geht Freitag raus um für sich zu sein damit er nicht wieder in ein Loch fällt. 2 mal habe ich es ihn geglaubt aber es würde danach immer später er hat sich angefangen frisch zu machen, und dann kam er manchmal erst gegen 4 Uhr morgens. Gute 2 Monate später habe ich es den gelesen das er mich betrügt.
Da ich damit gerechnet habe hat es mir nicht so weh getan, was mich richtig verletzt hat ist das er die Mutter seiner Kinder richtig gedemütigt hat.
Er hat den Schluss gemacht, wohnt aber noch zuhause und schlafen zusammen in ein Bett. Ich liebe ihn immer noch
Die ganze Zeit bis jetzt haben wir immer noch was miteinander. Wir können unser Finger nicht voneinander lassen.
Was soll ich tun, meinen kleine ist ein Papakind auch wenn er es nicht wirklich sieht.
Es tut weh.
(2 votes)
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First, spatial separation as far as it is possible that it sleeps in the living room. Then settle that he’s moving out. If he doesn’t want you anymore, he shouldn’t have you anymore, so no more sex.
If he doesn’t want to be divorced, he’ll be separated from his beloved.
But try to meet him as objectively, distanced as possible. No quarrel, no hatred over and before the children. They’re supposed to make their own picture when they’re older.
Thanks this is helpful, I told him to tell me why I can look and ask for help to keep the apartment.
I’ll try it in one way.
Well, it’s probably supposed to follow a divorce, so he’ll get out sometime. It would probably be better for you if it happened quickly. He made his decision and so it hurts, it will be time to accept that.
He told me he didn’t pull out because there’s a lot to be clarified here and he’s giving me the timely decision because he’s pulling out.
I’ll do everything by piece. Since we work together, everything is not so easy.
What exactly has to be clarified, what requires you to sleep in a bed? The division of bed linen? Sorry, but he just finds it practical that he can still have sex with you. And you’re doing this.
What you write doesn’t sound cold. It sounds more like deeply hurt and hardens self-protection before even more injury. Excuses don’t matter to an ice-cold person. Or understanding.
The problem is that, in most cases, it will eventually get one that these protection mechanisms do not work endlessly.
Understand what you mean, but I’ve become ice cold in things and things.
Serious enough to leave you. He didn’t suddenly become loyal and betrayed you both with the others.
And you both play it.
And yes, this is probably ne midlife crisis. Don’t change the fact that he’s been serving you, and keep taking sex with you as long as you can.
The thing is she knows we’re sleeping together in a bed because of the kids he said to her and she doesn’t know what’s going on.
This shows me on the one hand that he doesn’t mean it so seriously with her. I’ve read a lot and that’s what a lot of people are, whether they’re a man or a woman who’s turning a bit on the bike at the beginning.
It’s always complicated. But always feasible, even in far more complicated situations like yours.
But your problem is completely different, isn’t it? You don’t want it to end properly, and don’t worry. That’s why you’re sleeping with him.
You will not get any understanding of him or an apology from her. If that’s what you’re waiting for, you’ll be playing happy couple until she says something. And then you’ll leave for them again.
Finance isn’t as easy as many people think.
It’s all harder than you can see. If you want me to be honest.
I don’t know how to change that. But I also expect a little understanding of him and also that she apologise to me as she humiliated me and not just without even though she doesn’t really know me
And that requires a common bed, because…? Don’t you have a sofa, no room for air mattress?
And within two months you didn’t get your finances sorted?
Just you are
And this is also a form of games. This time with your fears.
This will probably not be prevented. This is also something you will have to accept.
Well, just everything that’s with the kids. Then the financial and I have to see how I can hold the apartment.
I mean to him I’m not a toy I have feelings and that he should understand. Especially since I can never go out. And he always goes out.
For example, I told him that he’s at home for a weekend I can do something. When the answer came, she comes here. I don’t want her to meet the kids. She could be sister of the big kids. 😢
Ask yourself what do you want? And if you’re sure, set clear rules.
Accept or change (min. limits set)!
Because of the children staying together, I would advise, tan my parents, found it no longer beautiful as they have been fighting all the time.
I’d like to have him back because we really do everything together. But it hurts when I see that he writes with her and all that.
He talked about us all the time.
I understand it was in a similar situation. A good first step is to take care of yourself. Zb:
Only if you really love you will notice how bad he is for you and then it will be much easier but still not easy!
Thank you for the honest opinion and help
No problem, I think you’re gonna do this very well. Certain men only realize what they had on you when you’re gone… Do your thing, look at you and your kids, just so you can be happy.
Good courage and happiness
Thank you for these open words.
See it somehow with the open relationship as you write it.
I have to say that I do not respect every proposal, that I have already developed a very good ego_ self-confidence and that he himself gets.
You live together, are still married, have something else, and sleep in the same bed, no one knows about the separation, you are not separated, but he lives a happy open relationship and you are dissatisfied and do nothing about it, respectfully every proposal comes with an excuse.
No one here can help you.
Nothing is easy to do nothing, for that the future is so harder!!!
It’s not that easy with work, we’re employees. It’s not that easy. On work, it continues normally.
I’m on this point alone has no friends or something. Besides that we are separated only know the family and the rest of the world thinks we are together. That’s funny, and everyone’s gonna get something.
Are you self-employed or working for the same employer? I’m going from the second, because you don’t often see each other, there are the following possibilities:
Regarding friends, as I said, register with a new girlfriend, it’s important that you decide what to do respectfully!
Thanks, the bad thing is that I don’t really have friends.
I’ll take care of it.
I’ve already taken over 10 kilos and I can’t really eat, but I can’t drink for it.
But we work together. That’s the other problem. Don’t see us often.
https://youtu.be/CQeezCdF4mk?si=o8QHLtzVj8W4j0q2
What does she have to do with it, and what does his children do to you? 😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 What a pig! But I can’t leave my fingers from him!!! 🤣🤣🤣 Why only? This is the mystery of our time 🤣
Probably it doesn’t even touch him! 😂
https://youtu.be/mQ9igHn_Tis?si=7phoCF5prIpA8AjU
Because she did it. And our children got something.
That this is exhausting for the children is out of question, but it is not about the children to be honest. 😂 You have a kind of control loss with a mix of loss fears.
As it all was born, not the fine way
Yes then he was just looking for a change 😂
Sure is not the fine way and there are reasons why this would be harmed in society, but today nature is free and these are the consequences.
He’s still here and he keeps saying that it’s home and that we’re important to him.
But he’s still here, right? Or did he develop feelings for the other?
This has nothing to do with control loss.
I don’t care about it, loss-prone may be good. But everyone has to do this in this situation.
What.mivh just hurts isr I’ve asked more often is what and you’ve exchanged the numbers and all the time he says no etc. Everyone says there’s nothing and my gut feeling said there’s what and I was right.
One part is about the children, because it is not one, but we have 4 children still at home.
He broke up? Is there a divorce? You’re married on the paper?
Never mind.
If my partner broke up, I wouldn’t live together anymore. No one can finish. As you notice.
He doesn’t want to divorce, we work together.
Doesn’t have anything to do with it….
Either you’re together and you live together as a couple.
Or you go separate ways. Everything else will end in drama.
Because you don’t have any consequences, he won’t change anything. Why? It’s like he’s wild. Do you really need to teach your children to deal with partners like this? That’s very unsightly.
Fear is a little bit already, because of the kids the little one is a papa child.
Laziness didn’t say to him if it doesn’t suit you then pull to her and it’s good.
You’d better save him.
What do you want from him?
Are you scared? Faulty? Because of the kids?
He cheated on me, he’s making up with someone else who’s become more intimate. She comes at her expense every time and he doesn’t.
I’ll save you the rest
Wait a minute. You’re telling me he cheated on you and not now? What are you doing?
No, it’s just one-sided from him to her right now.
He didn’t sleep with her
Then you have the answer. Submit divorce.
Or does Bock have to share your life with a man who only fucks you, but otherwise also messes with others and regularly comes home at 4 a.m. because you weren’t good enough today?
I’d go on as a couple, but he wouldn’t.
You decide.
Continue as a pair -> Then try properly.
Separated -> submit divorce
Yeah, I said, but what do I do?
That he betrayed you didn’t hurt you so much because you were expecting it, but hurt you that he humiliated the mother of his children. Can you explain this sentence to me?
Who did he break up with? With his affair? He lives with you, you sleep in the same bed, you have sex together.
You don’t have to do anything, you’re fine. He’s cheating on you and you’re going to bed with him like nothing.
He made me really bad and that hurt me most, I just don’t really know. Yeah, we sleep together in a bed and have something else. And he says it doesn’t really feel wrong.
Don’t you have any respect for yourself? You never look in the mirror and say enough! If you don’t set limits to him, you don’t have to wonder if he does what he wants. Hopefully, he’s at least preventing not only for other children, but also for all kinds of diseases.
Of course I have respect for myself. I’ve set him limits, some of whom he’s also implementing. They had nothing to do with intercourse.
She can only be happy she is still young 13years age difference.
Find your own apartment and take off with the children. And leave
You’re separated, he has something with another. This will end sooner or later in the drama.
Don’t play with you like that, but live your life.
I told him to decide what he wants. And then because of the move, I’ve already talked to him that I’m staying in the apartment with the kids. It’s complicated
He decided. He wants to stay home and keep screwing around.
Well, you need to know if you keep doing this with you and find excuses to “protect” him or whether you follow facts and do your thing without him.
He doesn’t do rumbirds, he’s had a… with her. It’s just one-sided she can be happy and he doesn’t get anything from her.
What do you love about a stranger? Do you really want to live up to your kids that’s normal?
I can’t really answer that I notice all the feelings with me are there and that’s the problem.
Then you’ll have to share it with the others. Because as you write, there’s still something going on between the two.
Why do you do that?
I really think you’re doing something. But you need to know. I’m sorry for the kids.
How can I imagine it when he tells me in my eyes? I know well when he’s lying.
I think you’ll figure it out. He finally broke up, but stays in the cozy nest because it is comfortable.
Anyway, I don’t really believe him because he still has feelings for me.
It’ll hardly impress him. He already knows that and he doesn’t care.
I have already become ice cold and said that I am a woman who has feelings and is not a toy.