Am I too hard on my uncle?
Hello everyone,
Today I was talking to a colleague at work and we were talking about my uncle. I have an uncle who for 21 years has never wished me a happy birthday, never given me any presents for Christmas, my birthday, confirmation, etc. He hardly ever called me or was ever there for me. I am his only nephew. He hardly ever looked after his own parents either. My aunt wanted to go and visit him with my grandmother and asked me if I wanted to come along. I declined because he hadn't been interested in me for 21 years and I don't need him anymore.
My colleague also said I was being too harsh on my uncle. She herself had eight uncles, and apparently none of them had congratulated her or given her a present. When I said that my uncle never gave me a present, I just meant that he never gave me a small gift, like a bar of chocolate or something like, "I was thinking of my nephew." Don't expect anything big.
Do you also think I'm too harsh on my uncle? What's your opinion?
What do you think my colleague is saying to me now? Do you think she has a negative impression of me and thinks badly of me?
(4 votes)
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Hi.
I don’t think you’re too hard for your uncle, but your colleague’s right, “I’ve never received anything from my aunt’s gift.”
I think you should still visit your grandparents.
GGGLG
But did she congratulate you and you have such contact, for example, by telephony or something? My grandparents live with me in the house, I have always visited my grandpa in the nursing home and cared for him until his death with my grandma. My uncle didn’t do anything
But mostly you, I’m too hard for my uncle? And do you think my colleague thinks bad about me now?
I understand both of you and there’s no “aw”.
I don’t have many uncles. And none of them were big involved in my life. They are also not responsible for recovery, and there is no link with them. There were only gifts if they were accidentally at the time in which or there was a family meeting. Telephone contact never.
The unpronounced agreement that if you meet, then you have a good time, can talk. But beyond that, no one comes into contact with anyone. At the end, others are kept. Either the siblings (parents) or more often the grandparents as common parents representing the link.
I never had your expectations for an uncle/an aunt. Nevertheless, I understand that you do not want to look for contact from you and drive for a visit. Why would you?
I’m telling you, I was the last of my aunt, so his sister used to getting little things and we also wrote so much on WhatsApp and had a lot of contact and she was always there for me
Then it is clear that you have priorities. Of course I do. I will prefer all relatives to show interest in me.
It’s not a reason for me to have a certain grudge against this uncle. If you don’t care, he can’t care if you don’t have to worry about it.
Family and kinship are simply so and good conditions should be maintained on both sides. How is your uncle’s contact with your parents?
Expectations to others are out of place. Now with 21 you’re grown up enough to make you a picture of your uncle. Maybe he’s the black sheep of the family or or… find out if you want him in your life.
My mother is his sister. The relationship is not good when my uncle is visiting and how “all” what is going to eat, my mother and my father are always excluded. He once said he would not see any sense in it “to invite them”. I have to say my mother isn’t as easy as she likes to speak louder than others and gets up quickly. Still, I love her about everything. For his parents, my uncle was never right and when I was smaller, I often wrote emails and so, and often there was nothing back. My other aunt (are 3 siblings) is always there with her husband at Easter, Christmas and my birthday and are often there for me. When jmd asks me about my relatives, I always say I have 2 uncles, once the man of my aunt and a very good acquaintance who in 5 years is more uncle for me than my “bodier” uncle. And to the two uncles I don’t count my mother’s brother in.
I know it’s a long text. But would be very grateful if you could react to it, and even then the question as above whether I am too hard to him. Thank you
hmmm… no I don’t think you were too hard on him… But you were hard too… beinhart to yourself! With more understanding of the mistakes of others and more kindness, you could better overcome your hurt pride.
No, you shouldn’t take such negative accusations, I understand your behavior. I know this one too, and that’s really not nice. You could ask your uncle why he does.
you acted right. If he doesn’t want to know about you, why should you go to him?