Alcoholic father, how to deal with it?
Hello first of all and a quick summary of the situation, I am M20, we are a family, parents, and 2 older brothers. My father had a stroke about 5 years ago, luckily nothing serious happened, however he lost his job as a result and was sent into early retirement. He gets a pretty good pension though, so we are definitely not at risk of prosperity. Otherwise, given the circumstances, we have a relatively normal family life, the occasional outing, meeting up with grandparents as a family, and also having fun, but also a lot of arguments because my father sometimes comes home drunk and ruins everyone's day. He doesn't get violent either. But I really can't take it anymore and am even considering moving out. I explained everything to my father calmly and that I don't want to come home anymore because of him. He just asked me why I hadn't done it yet, and I then said again that I wanted to support him and help him. He just said he'd even help me move into my grandmother's apartment, which is now in a nursing home. I simply don't see any chance for him, except that we leave him completely alone for a while so he can see what he's losing. Of course, I'd support him anytime. But I just don't know what to do anymore.
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Your father says clipp and realize that he would prefer it if you pull out and leave him alone. That’s his right.
He doesn’t want your support, and you should accept it. So move out and leave your father’s life as he wants.
and then what, then just get started right, the stairs fly down and breaks his neck, at 80 steps not unrealistic
It is his life, and he has the right to live it as he thinks it is right. Unlike him, you don’t seem to have your own life, and you should change quickly if I can be honest.
Your father is alcoholic – the first step would be that he admits that he is it and accepts help. The second step would be a rehabilitation – withdrawal and therapy in a hospital for alcohol patients – the health insurance pays it. There is a high drop-back rate, here it is important that he then immediately prof. Help is available.
If he does not take the first step, the alcohol will remain in the first place before you all. Make it clear that is not your father, but the alcohol. Do not have any negative thoughts about your father.
If it continues, typical symptoms of an alcoholic disease will appear. for example fat livers, liver cyrrhosis, varicose veins that can burst and can be bleeding, damage to the organs, brain damages, epileptic cancer or cancer in general (if it still smokes the whole), epileptic seizures due to brain damage, changes in essence, cognitive impairments, dementia, etc.
But also the environment, the family is damaged by alcohol sickness, especially children, if they are still young, for example. They can also suffer psychologically due to behavior, violence, etc.
Do not hide that your father is alcoholic. It’s open.
What’s to do?
You can only make offers – for example provide prospectuses of clinics and rehabilitation measures. The way is simple, he just has to tell the doctor and want to. The pediatrician is causing everything to pay the health insurance.
How does he come to the insight? – there is no guarantee, some have received them late when they (and also their family) were on the ground. Others were never clear.
real and empty threats, vaccinations, etc. bring nothing. They do something negative with you. There’s nothing to argue with a drunk. Do not have anger or hatred against your alcohol father – because he is sick and it is not him. How to handle when he comes home – leave alone – talking to him the next day.
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You can’t force other people to something – you can’t change it – but say you’re there when he decides to do it and admits nothing bad about getting help and getting healthy, living longer – because you want to have a dad for a long time.
But as I said, you can only change your situation. If nothing changes, change your life. You only have this one and don’t let your alcoholic father ruin it.
Take off – great distance – spatial and psychological.
What you can do as a family – also your mother – you have to sit together – I mean how you change your life. For example, leave him alone – if he does not accept help.
Should the point come when he accepts help – it always makes him clear that you will be there.
As a supplement – you are not responsible for his life (you can not be 24/7 on his side and watch – that he flies drunk somewhere – when this happens, that is so).
But what you are responsible for is your life.
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Wish you and you all the best.
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edit:
As a supplement – he cannot make a withdrawal alone – it can be life-threatening – this must be done under medical supervision in a clinic.
You must have seen him trembling – that’s a withdrawal certificate. For example, the delir or delusions may also occur during withdrawal.
What I remember – you can also get help from the outside.