Abtreibung oder behalten?
ich bin 18 und jetzt in der 10. Schwangerschaftswoche, aber ich bin total unsicher, ob ich die Schwangerschaft wirklich fortsetzen soll. Finanziell und was meine Ausbildung betrifft, wäre alles geregelt, aber ich frage mich, ob es moralisch richtig ist, das Kind in eine Situation zu bringen, in der der Vater es eigentlich gar nicht will und ich sonst auch wenig Unterstützung habe.
Mein Freund hat mir oft versprochen, für mich und unser Baby da zu sein, aber er hält diese Versprechen einfach nicht. Stattdessen sagt er ständig, wie sehr das Kind sein Leben und das seiner Familie schwer machen wird. Diese negative Einstellung belastet mich extrem, und ich habe das Gefühl, dass der Stress und die Ängste von ihm und anderen immer auf mir lasten.
Ich hatte schon mehrere Abtreibungstermine, aber ich konnte es einfach nicht übers Herz bringen. Ich denke manchmal, ob ich das nur so empfinde, weil ich gerade schwach und unsicher bin. Gleichzeitig spiele ich mit dem Gedanken, vielleicht einfach wegzuziehen und woanders ein neues Leben aufzubauen. Aber dann sagt mein Freund, dass er das Kind nicht verlieren will – auch wenn er sonst kaum Verantwortung zeigt.
Trennen würde ich mich ja eigentlich, weil ich glaube, dass es meiner Psyche besser täte. Nur dann stehe ich komplett alleine da, weil meine Familie auch schon gesagt hat, dass sie mich nicht unterstützen würde. Ich weiß einfach nicht, was das Beste für mich und das Kind ist und bräuchte wirklich dringend Rat oder Erfahrungen von Leuten, die ähnliches durchgemacht haben.
(3 votes)
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Your situation is really challenging and I can understand that you have many uncertainties and doubts. It is a big topic, and there is no “right” or “wrong” – ultimately what is best for you and your life.
First of all, I would like to say that you are very reflected and consider many aspects that often become aware later. Financially and educationally, you’re secure, but you’re thinking about the emotional and moral responsibility you and the child have faced. It’s really mature and shows you want to prepare yourself well. I’m even minor, but that’s what helps you…
Regarding the decision, no one can take the decision, but maybe it helps to sort your thoughts into perspectives:
1. Your own values and wishes: You have already noticed that the connection to the child is already there for you, because you have canceled every abortion date. Ask honestly whether the feeling of keeping the child is stronger than the doubts. This bond is often stronger over time – for many mothers it is a crucial point, even if they know it is not easy.
Two. The influence of your environment: You mention that the child’s father has little responsibility and your circle of friends is more burdening you right now. If you get the child, support will be extremely important. Ask yourself if you’re willing to solve yourself with people who can’t give you this support or want to build new ways and relationships that strengthen you and your child.
3. Self-protection and mental health: If you feel that your friend and the lack of support for your family affect your mental health, that is a serious factor. A stable environment is always good for a mother and the child – if you can’t reduce this stress, it might be harder to keep your own strength. Perhaps there are consultancy bodies that could help you find concrete solutions or alternative support.
4. Future perspective for you and the child: Consider how you could imagine your life in five years, with or without a child. Both scenarios will bring challenges and opportunities. How would it feel to start a life with a child alone? How do you see your role and the role of the Father in this picture?
Maybe it helps you talk to a person who is neutral – for example, at a consultancy or a midwife. You can show you ways and support options so you can prepare yourself as much as possible for the situation.
I thank you for your words
Glad and good luck and strength in your life, no matter what you choose! You deserve to be happy
Super answer for your age 👍👍👍😎
Thank you
If you already had abortion dates, but you could not bring the killing of the embryo to the heart, then it could really be right that you listen to your heart and that of the child.
Of course you have to cope with big loads! But I might think you’ll be very happy if you keep your child in arms!
Disconnect your friend and raise your child alone. You can do that, you’ll get enough support. Explore. You don’t need your family if she doesn’t want to help you. You’re better off alone!
Only my friend says I can’t just leave with his baby
You can! He has nothing to say! Don’t let that happen to you!
Why do you have to forcefully give a child to such a situation?
Isn’t that a better environment, i.e. a strengthened relationship, financial security and also the actual, planned will for a child to be better starting conditions for a new person?
Why are you getting pregnant? I will never understand
The chance of single mother speaks civil money is high….is that what you want?
Yes, of course, that’s why I’m in here! I also took the pill.. Your contribution is really not helpful but only more to me
My contribution is a bit careless but reality.
I’m sure you didn’t take the pill properly, or you wouldn’t be pregnant.
What do you need comments that are trying to make the situation nice?
Why are you pregnant?
so please
If you know the contraception is neglected, this is basically the same.
That certainly has not happened intentionally
There is no simple solution.
But the only thing that counts here is your feeling! Do you want this kid? No matter what the father says or does, or your family, or what your finances look like, or your career.
It’s about you! Do you want this kid?
If you decide on it, from your own free will, that’s okay!
If you decide to do this, you’ll find solutions for that.
Important is not what everyone else says, important is just what you want and feel!
If your family is at least behind you, I’d definitely keep the baby…
Sch*** on the type, away with that, there is better
They are not behind me:(that makes me create at the moment because I feel completely alone.. But thank you for your words
That’s a harder number. If you like challenges, you will be able to:) As has already been written, there is help for you. Consultancy offices etc… go to the best time..
And why do you think there’s better? Do I have a pretty stupid idea of him? Because he’s just saying honestly his opinion, right? Wouldn’t I be completely selfish?
Thank you
Get the child and make sure that the biological father also pays maintenance.
… and on everyone you didn’t decide.
Even after an abortion, you will not really be better. You’ll probably always have the idea of abortion.
You don’t have much time to make a final decision. It will be for an interruption or against it.
In both cases, you will have to deal with it. If you keep the child you could get help and support, possibly also by the child’s father.
He is also currently struggling with uncertainty, similar to you. With the difference, that this alone is your decision… and not his.
In any case, you stand before a very difficult decision, which unfortunately no one can take you off. But I think it’s great that you’re so reflected with the situation.
As you describe it, I assume that not much support can be expected from the child’s father. You’ll have to adjust. So you should ask yourself if you can do it yourself. Can you imagine a life with a child? If you have no support, it will certainly not be easy, but also not impossible.
If you don’t get an abortion over your heart, there is of course also the possibility of an adoption. Presumably, a consultation would be useful in which your possibilities are unbiased. Did you have a consultation?
And even if you decide to abortion, that’s okay. It may be painful, but if it’s the right decision for you, then you’ll make it.
Best you therapists as here can not help
Bullshit! What’s a therapist doing?
With the current waiting times for an appointment, it is probably too late for an abortion. In order to be psychologically finished with abortion or life as a single mother, a therapy can of course be helpful.