Divorce and decision as a "child" where to go?
I want to stay with my mother, but I don't want to leave my father alone, who will definitely feel alone.
I'm already over 18 and starting college. I'm stressed from all sides, and on top of that, my parents' divorce is anything but amicable. Now comes the typical question: which of my parents do I want to belong to (on paper). My father asked me this question directly. My brother has already made his decision and is staying with my mother, which I'm glad about, as I was worried that my father would be a bad influence.
I love my father despite the horrible things he said to my mother. He hasn't been there for us much since I finished elementary school, and he probably started drinking again four years ago, which is what triggered the marital dispute in the first place.
So, without beating around the bush, I'd rather stay with my mom, but I can't bear to hurt him. He even told me he'd be embarrassed if all the kids turned against him and that he doesn't want to be alone. I feel so sorry for him and I'm so worried about him, but he also constantly spreads negativity by constantly talking about his problems (I mean, every conversation we start).
It would put so much strain on me mentally, while my mother also knows how to deal with my anxiety disorder, on top of that my mother is okay with my lifestyle (I'm bisexual) and my father doesn't even know about it because he has spoken out against such things often enough.
I don't know what to do.
(2 votes)
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Your father is alcoholic, doesn’t care about you and has a problem with bisexual people. And you think you’re supposed to move in with him?
You want to study and you need rest, so stay with your mother and concentrate on You, on you Life.
Parents should sometimes worry about your children, but not children about your parents.
Your father can take care of himself.
If you move to Him, although he does not understand your feelings, and will never understand, you would sacrifice yourself for Him.
Pull to your mother if you feel better.
At first I wanted to ask you if you (also) want to spend time with your father (on the paper) belonging to him, because you understand well, you feel comfortable with him, you are sympathetic, etc.
Then I read on and answered my question myself.
That’s not gonna happen. You shouldn’t have any compulsive contact with him (so I just call it) because you feel bad. That’s the wrong way. So you’ll never be happy forever. You write up a number of things that would speak against it.
What would you say, except your unauthorized guilt?
Do you have the hope that he will change? That you can get him to get the curve in time? Of course it wouldn’t be impossible. Think you’re responsible? Do you really think you have to teach him and you are obliged to explain to him how this is true with your bisexuality and your anxiety disorder, that you have to keep an eye on him, that he does not drink too much again, that you have to take advantage of him as a grief box and do all the stress (additional to the stress of your studies!)?
You don’t have to. That’s his life. Not yours.
For me personally, the answer would be clear here.
Jap, I feel familiar. With such a candidate, we had to fight around at that time. (Fing with us before I came to kindergarten at all.) That was all but fun.
It is certainly not wrong to tell him your thoughts and feelings, as you have done here now. Be consistent if you do.
Your words help me very much and are very sweet Thank you!! It’s really just my feelings of guilt that speak for it and I should probably best tell him exactly what I wrote here.
Please, I’m glad.
Good luck.
Tell him exactly what you’re saying above, tell him you love him, but he has to do something about his problems (Alk).
Thanks, he’s not a bad person and his alcoholism doesn’t even affect his behavior.(He’s not aggressive or so) I just feel more comfortable with my mother. Thank you for your good advice
You’re an adult. Choose the main residence where you feel more comfortable and what is more suitable for commuting for your studies.