what should I do..?

Question

Hello, my dears!

To explain the whole thing a little bit.

He is a young man I met 4 months ago. We've actually known each other for a while, but never had anything to do with each other. We only started writing to each other 4 months ago, but after a few days it developed into a "getting to know each other" phase. We've been writing to each other every day for 3.5 months now. We talk on the phone 24/7, even when we're sleeping! I know him like he knows me by now; he met my parents over the phone and so on. Well, I really like him a lot, the only problem is that he doesn't want to meet up. Every time I bring up the subject, he says he doesn't feel ready right now. I have to say that the boy has a lot of mental health problems and sometimes didn't dare leave his apartment for months before we knew each other. Eventually I persuaded him to go shopping in the morning when there was less going on, etc. Anyway, he tried a couple of times to come to me. He sat at the train station but couldn't make it because he was so panicked about the meeting. I don't understand why. I never made him feel like I would like him less if we saw each other. Anyway, yesterday I offered to come to him. He said it wasn't a question of who came, but that he just didn't feel ready and that I was pressing him. I just want to see him for the first time.

I simply told him that I'll go to see him sometime this month, and if he's not open, I have my answer to the question of whether this all still makes sense.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose him, I really like him. But I'm also really stressed at home, and my "boyfriend" is supposed to be my safe place, right? The place where I can go to just unwind, right? I don't know…

fluffx888 · Answer

I understand the problem, but that sounds like your gut feeling has already decided what is right for you, otherwise you wouldn't ask the question. I just think you need some time to let go. But that doesn't sound like you're doing well if your needs don't match each other.

chocolate2000 · Answer

Why would you like to enter a relationship that is already problem-loaded from the beginning? A person with such a mental shock can be a hearty, dear, nice person, but is not suitable as a partner for eye-to-eye.

How does the man shape his everyday life if he doesn't leave the house? Did you dare to fight a relationship that is shaking on his own 4 calves? No going out, no meeting with friends, no visits, etc.

I would make it known to a nice oneline and look for a "normal" partner.