Oppressed by Afghan parents, what to do?

Hello, I am 20 years old, female and currently doing my Abitur.

As the title suggests, I have Afghan parents who practice their culture. I also have three brothers.

I, on the other hand, was born here and want to act according to reason and live according to my religion and NOT according to its culturally influenced values.

You have to know that I hardly have any friends, I just go to school and am alone in my room all day.

But I hardly have the opportunity to do anything with anyone, especially because my mother keeps a tight rein on me. She constantly checks to see if I'm online on WhatsApp, yells at me when I turn off my "last seen" status, and makes disgusting assumptions, like that I'm probably having affairs with older men or with our former employee. But she has absolutely no reason to make such accusations. For example, I never exchanged a single word with the employee other than "Hello," and when he was no longer employed, I only asked my mother where he was once. But she uses these things against me.
She says I always talk big about myself and badmouth other girls, but I should take care of myself and check myself. She exaggerates small things so much. She's been saying these things to me nonstop for two months.

I'm supposed to learn to cook because I supposedly can't cook, even though I was taught how to cook at 8. From that age until puberty, my parents often hit me, spat on me, etc. Since we were living in an asylum at the time, my mother often said things like I should strip for the black guys because I'm a brat and can only talk back. Things have been quiet for the past few years, but now it's starting again.

She insults me, calling me a "slut," etc., swears that I supposedly have a boyfriend, and she's too embarrassed to hit me with her own hands. She's always raging against me, and I always get the feeling she wants my father to hit me. She always uses trivial things against me.

There are many other things, but they would go beyond the scope of this article.

I have a high school diploma and can't always help my parents in the store. Then they ask, "What are they doing in their room?" I don't know what's right and what's wrong. I always have to think about whether I can do something or not, whether it's right to say something or not, whether my mother could use something against me or not.

My brothers are free to do whatever they want, they stay out late at night. If they say something, nothing is used against them.

My paternal uncle lives abroad and has a new wife. He's being rude to his ex-wife, who lives in Germany, and asks my father truly disturbing things that I can't mention here. That's why I'm afraid of my father.

While I was writing this text, my father came in and said that I have apparently changed in the last few months and that I contradict my mother too often. He said he was there because my brothers weren't here. He spoke very aggressively and checked my cell phone, which he never usually does. He says it doesn't matter what my brothers do, he has to check on me the most because I represent the family's honor. He threatened me with an honor killing and that he would kill himself if he found out anything about me. I was in the shop for 5 hours today and am supposed to go back downstairs. I planned to learn Islamic suras and do something for school. My parents are taking away my energy and motivation.

I've spoken to my brothers. Two of them understand me, but the older one also rages against me so the focus stays on me and he can go on his nightly walks in peace.

I live with fear at home. I'm afraid my parents will hit me again. I feel really uncomfortable and often have panic attacks, which then lead to suicidal thoughts.

My other brother told me I should see a psychiatrist because I can't take it anymore. I'm being oppressed so much, but at the same time I think it's my parents. I don't think a psychiatrist will be able to help me either.

I've changed schools several times and repeated a year once, and I don't want to give up my high school diploma for people like that. I don't know what to do. I don't have a best friend or anything like that. If I confide in my brothers, my mother insults me, or the older one snitches. I only confided in an old classmate once, and my parents found out. I'm supposed to cut off contact with her because she's Russian. What should I do? I'm desperate.

Please don't attack my religion, my parents are believers but not religious.